


Hate You Third Most

by Sir_Weston



Category: South Park
Genre: Cheating, Clyde has a shitty life, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Drug-Induced Sex, Eric Cartman Being An Asshole, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Happy Ending, Heidi is a whore, Living Hell, M/M, Marriage, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, POV Clyde, POV First Person, Past Relationship(s), Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge, Sabotage, Secret Crush, Seduction, Shower Sex, Some Humor, Stoning, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, horrible parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-01-08 10:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12252399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_Weston/pseuds/Sir_Weston
Summary: When Clyde's dad and Cartman's mom announce their engagement, it drags Clyde and Eric's life into Hell. They don't really want to become a family, especially Eric, who is determined to stop this wedding. Meanwhile, Clyde is struggling with his feelings for his best friend who is already happily dating someone else.But things get worse when Eric's girlfriend, Heidi starts coming onto Clyde, determined to get him to sleep with her. Cartman vows to destroy Clyde and make his life misery. How will everything end?





	1. Third on the Hate List

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mekabella21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mekabella21/gifts).



> In case you don't know where the title comes from, apparently Cartman has a "shit list" in The Fractured But Whole and Clyde is number 3 on that list (after Kyle and Liane).

I thought I was a pretty good kid. I did my homework and my chores. I tried to get along with others the best I could. I didn’t smoke, I didn’t drink, and over the years I’ve gotten thinner, and I feel like I’ve gotten smarter. So why was this happening to me? Why was my dad driving me over to Eric Cartman’s house? Why was he so silent and refusing to answer my questions? What was going on?!

“Dad, will you please just tell me what’s going on?” I begged, “Why are we going to Cartman’s house? I don’t even like Cartman!”

“I told you that you’ll find out when we get there,” my dad answered. There was a bit of irritation in his voice. I had asked a lot, but then again, he wouldn’t answer me, or give me more than a vague answer.

Annoyed, I slouched in my seat, fuming silently to myself. It didn’t take us long to get to Cartman’s house, but then again, it didn’t take long to get anywhere in South Park. My dad parked the car, and we got out. I felt apprehensive as we approached the house.

My dad knocked on the door, and I was annoyed when Eric was the one who answered it. He didn’t seem to notice my dad and looked right at me  
.  
“What are you doing here, Clyde?” he asked in a hostile voice.

“I don’t know,” I snarled, “Ask my dad!”

“Now Clyde, be nice,” my dad warned me, “Eric, may we come in?”

“No,” Cartman sneered. He started to close the door.

“Eric! Let them in!” I heard Liane call from inside the house. Cartman groaned in protest, but did as he was told.

Eric Cartman had not changed much since we were kids. He was just as fat as ever, but the only reason he seemed thinner was because he grew into his weight. He was quite tall, even taller than me. I’m pretty sure the only reason he hadn’t put on much more weight was because his girlfriend, Heidi, encouraged him.

My dad walked over to Liane and gave her a smile. He turned to me. “Clyde, why don’t you take a seat on the couch?”

I looked over to where Cartman was already sitting. He glared at me in a way that told me he would bite me if I tried to sit next to him. I looked at my dad.

“I don’t want to,” I said honestly. My dad sighed.

“Sit down,” he ordered. I did as he was told, sitting as far away from Cartman as I could.

My dad and Liane stood in front of us, and I was horrified to see that they had an arm around each other’s waists. They were smiling brightly.

“Clyde, Eric,” Liane started, “We have something we want to share with you.”

“Oh God, what’s happening?” Cartman asked, his voice shaking slightly.

“For the past several months, Roger and I have been seeing each other,” Liane continued. I could feel my heart sinking. I dreaded where this was going. “And we thought it was time to let you two know…”

“That we’re engaged to be married!” my dad finished dramatically.

“What?!” I exclaimed, shocked and horrified. I heard a thud beside me and looked to see that Cartman had fainted. Gasping, Liane quickly ran over to him.

“Sweetie? Are you okay?” she asked desperately. Cartman started to stir a little.

“Ugh, mom, I just had a horrible nightmare,” he mumbled, “I dreamed that you and Clyde’s dad were getting married.”

“That wasn’t a dream!” his mother giggled, “That actually happened!”

Cartman stared wide-eyed at her. “No,” he whispered, “No, this isn’t real! I’m dreaming! Tell me I’m dreaming!”

I myself was in shock. I knew my dad had been lonely since my mother died, and he had started dating again. But I had no idea he was dating Cartman’s mom! How could this happen? I looked at my dad in shock, but no words came to me.

“We’ll leave you two alone for a minute,” my dad said, “Get comfortable and all that. Come, Liane.” I watched in horror as my dad looped an arm around Liane’s waist and led her into the kitchen.

As soon as they were gone, I felt fat hands around my throat, and I was tackled to the floor. Cartman had his knees on my chest, and his hands on my throat. He was glaring down at me, and I couldn’t breathe at all.

“This is all your fault!” he growled at me, “If you hadn’t killed your mom seven years ago, your dad wouldn’t be miserable and desperate enough to date my mom! Now they’re going to get married, and we’re going to be…” he paused to shudder, “brothers.”

I would have replied, but my airways were being completely blocked at the moment. Probably had something to do with the fat guy sitting on my chest. I was struggling to breathe and I felt like I was going to pass out. I couldn’t even push him off of me.

Thankfully, though, Eric decided to take pity on me and got off. I gratefully took in huge gulps of air. Cartman watched me as I quickly crawled to my knees, breathing heavily.

“What the fuck, man?” I muttered. I glared at him. “I didn’t mean for my mother to die! How dare you bring that up, you fat asshole!”

Cartman scoffed at me. “Whatever,” he said, “If they really go through with this, I will make your life a living hell.”

“What is wrong with you?” I hissed at him, “Why do you live to torment me?”

“I don’t live to torment you,” he contradicted, “I live to torment Kyle. I just really hate you. Anyway, you’d better stay out of my way.” He gave me a harsh shove then got up and walked off.

I was not looking forward to the rest of life.


	2. Waiting at a Bus Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out!

Sunday night found me back at Cartman’s house. My dad insisted on staying the night so I could “bond” with Liane and Eric. It was ridiculous. I didn’t want to get to know the Cartmans. Besides, I had made plans to hang out with Craig, Token, and Tweek, and my dad had ruined them! Sometimes he acts like I don’t actually have a life for some reason.

Unfortunately, that meant I also had to share a room with Eric. I had to sleep on the floor, he snored all through the night, and whenever he got up to use the bathroom (which was frequently) he deliberately stepped on me. Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of sleep.

Because I was at Cartman’s house on Monday morning, I was forced to walk with him to his bus stop instead of my own, so I had to wait with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny instead of my own friends. I could feel the three of them staring at me as I looked straight ahead.

“Um, what is Clyde doing here?” Stan wondered, “Doesn’t he usually wait with Craig and the others?”

“I don’t know, Stan!” I answered loudly and sarcastically before Eric could say anything, “Why don’t you ask him instead of talking about him as if he’s not here!?” Asshole.

The four of them gave me a bewildered glance. “Um, what are you doing here, Clyde?” Kyle asked me.

I nudged Cartman in the side. “They’re your friends,” I pointed out, “You want to tell them, or should I?” Cartman glared at me as his friends gave him confused looks.

“Tell us what, Cartman?” Stan wondered.

The evil look Eric gave me sent a shiver down my spine. Then he turned to Stan. He took a hissing breath. “My mom and his dad,” he sighed, talking slowly, “are dating.”

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stared at us. “What?” Kenny asked after a minute.

“Not only that,” I added, “but they’ve been dating for some time without telling us. And they plan on getting married.”

“No way!” Kyle exclaimed, “So, you two are going to be brothers?”

“Argh! Don’t say that!” Cartman growled, wincing, “I don’t like that word! I don’t want to be brothers with him!”

“Oh, and I do?” I hissed in annoyance, “This isn’t exactly an ideal situation for me either, you know.”

Cartman laughed. “Oh please!” he scoffed, “Anyone would love to be my brother!”

“I wouldn’t,” Kyle pointed out.

“Me neither,” Stan agreed.

“Yeah, I already have one useless brother. I wouldn’t want another one,” Kenny said.

“I hate you guys,” Cartman growled.

I can’t even begin to describe how grateful I was when the bus finally pulled up. That whole experience made me really wish I had gotten my driver’s license at sixteen like everyone else did. Then maybe I would have my own car, and I could’ve avoided all of that.

I spotted Craig, Token, and Tweek at the back of the bus and immediately made my way back to them. Craig and Tweek had been dating for seven years, and they were totally in love with each other. It was actually rather sweet and adorable, especially since there was a time when Craig had been telling me that it would never work. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but somehow the two of them fell deeply in love with each other. They were inseparable ever since. Sure, I may have been a touch jealous, seeing as I was harboring my own feelings for Craig, but I was genuinely happy to see them together. What kind of friend would I be otherwise?

I sat next to Token and across from Craig and Tweek after greeting them. Token looked at me, a puzzled look on his face.

“Why weren’t you at the bus stop this morning?” he asked.

I sighed. I knew they were going to ask. Man, this was going to be awkward. Again.

“Because I was at Cartman’s house,” I muttered.

Craig and Tweek looked over at me. “Why in the world were you at that STD ridden place?” Craig wondered in a shocked (well, shocked for him) voice.

“Because my dad is dating his mom,” I grumbled. The eyes of all my friends widened. I was feeling really uncomfortable at the moment. But, of course, there was more. “They decided to tell us on Saturday, and then my dad made me stay over at Cartman’s house last night to ‘bond.’”

“Ack! Wait! How long have they been going out?” Tweek wondered. I don’t know why he was twitching nervously. It’s not like his dad was dating Cartman’s mom.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “A few months by the sound of it. They want to get married.”

“GAH! Married!?” Tweek exclaimed, “And they just told you all of this?” I nodded.

“Wow,” Craig said, “What assholes.”

I sighed and slid down in my seat. “I don’t know what to do,” I confessed, “I want my dad to be happy, of course. But, UGH! Why did it have to be Cartman’s mom?”

“Does your sister know yet?” Token wondered.

“I doubt it,” I grumbled, “It took forever for dad to tell me, and I actually live with him.”

My sister, named Lilith, was older than me, and was already in her last year of college. She would probably be graduating this year. I had never been really close to my sister, but sometimes I did miss her company. It was nice to have a woman in the house to keep us guys under control. (Also, I think Token had a crush on her, which I always found to be weird.)

My three friends were silent as I pouted in my seat. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn’t life just be simple? Did I do something wrong in a past life and that’s why I was being tortured in this one? I folded my arms, upset.

“Um, do you know when the wedding is?” Token asked in an attempt to be friendly.

“No,” I replied, “I don’t think they’ve picked a date yet. But I think they want a spring wedding. At least, that’s what I heard my dad saying on the phone. Something about ‘new beginnings’ or some crap like that.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, we’ll be there with you every step of the way,” Craig promised me. I couldn’t help but smile at him. That was one of the reasons I loved him. No matter how horrible my life got he was always there to make me feel better.

“And at least we’ll -ACK- be going to college next year,” Tweek added, “It’s not like you’ll have to be around each other for long.”

“Yeah, there’s that,” I agreed. At least, I was hoping to go to college next year. The four of us planned on applying to the same colleges and trying to go together. We really couldn’t stand being apart. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t be with my three closest friends. Especially since I always hear of high school friends drifting apart after high school. I didn’t want that to happen to us.

But now, with this wedding, I would probably have to work a lot harder to get in. Not because of grades, but if my dad really went through with this wedding, it was going to cost a lot of money. I would probably have to start looking for a job and apply for scholarships to afford college. I definitely didn’t want to have to pay off student loans all my life. Maybe Craig and I could start looking for jobs together. I know his family didn’t have a lot of money either.

We were silent until we got to school. I was glad I only had one period with Eric so I didn’t have to actually see him all day. That one period was lunch time, and we definitely didn’t sit together. And there was no risk of teachers pairing us up on projects or anything. So, I was happy about that.

Until I walked into first period, my friends by my side.

And Eric Cartman was there. Sitting at my desk.


	3. Life Sucks Sometimes but it'll Pass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman has been transferred to all of Clyde's classes and proceeds to make his life a living hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos if you can guess where the title of the chapter comes from. Hint: It is a South Park reference.

I stormed over to where Cartman sat and glared at him. I was annoyed when he cast an amused glance at me. I felt like I wanted to punch the smug look right off his stupid face.

“What are you doing sitting at my desk?” I growled.

“Why, whatever are you talking about?” Cartman asked in a fake innocent voice, “This is my desk now! I was transferred to this class!” He gave me an evil grin. “In fact, I’ve been transferred into all of your classes!”

My eyes widened. “What?” I exclaimed.

Cartman leaned back in the chair with his hands behind his head. “Yeah, my mom decided we should ‘spend more time together.’ So, she had me transferred into all of your classes!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Cartman couldn’t be in all of my classes! I came to school to forget about my home life and focus on my other problems! I felt Token put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, but it barely registered to me. I opened my mouth to say something, but at that moment, the teacher walked in.

“Donovan! Tucker! Black! Tweak! Take your seats!” she barked.

The four of us quickly grabbed some seats, and because we had waited too long, we couldn’t sit next to each other. I ended up stuck between Butters and Kevin. I glared sideways at Cartman who was sitting just a few seats away. The fat bastard wore the most smug grin on his face, and I really wanted to punch him for it.

When class ended, I realized I had barely paid attention at all. I had been too angry at Cartman. I mean, I guess I should be mad at his mom for putting him in my class, but I was angry at Eric for stealing my desk and making it so I couldn’t sit with my friends.

I felt tense as we walked to our next class. I knew Eric was right behind us, as if he was waiting for something to happen. Waiting for me to screw up in some way so he could swoop in and take advantage of it. Well, I was determined not to give him the chance.

Luckily, at our next class I was actually able to sit next to my friends, while Cartman had to grab a seat elsewhere. I could feel him glaring at me through the whole period, though, and it was rather unnerving. And it was like this with every class. The only period where I got any rest was at lunch time, because he and his friends sat at the other end of the cafeteria.

“So, when your parents get married, do you think you guys will have to start living together?” Token asked me as we ate lunch. I groaned.

“Ugh, don’t remind me of that,” I muttered, “I don’t want to think of having to live with Cartman.” I felt a shiver run through my spine just thinking of it.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to either,” Craig admitted.

“Token, can I come live at your mansion?” I requested, “I promise I’m not high maintenance.”

“Sorry, we don’t have enough room,” Token replied.

“Well, we all know that’s a lie,” I pointed out, “I’m pretty sure everyone in South Park could fit in your mansion.”

“GAH! Maybe Token’s hiding something!” Tweek suggested.

“No! No, I’m not,” Token quickly stated, perhaps a little more panicked then he meant to. I decided that this was worth teasing him about and put on a wicked grin. I leaned forward, resting my head on my hands.

“Whatchya got at your mansion, Token, that you don’t want your dear friends to see?” I asked in my best I’m-not-letting-this-go-until-you-give-me-a-good-enough-answer voice.

“None of your stinkin’ business,” Token grumbled. Craig and I both put on pouty faces, trying to coerce him into telling us. Tweek, however, seemed to have a different thought.

“So, you are hiding something, -NGH!- is that it?” Heh, good ol’ Tweek. “I mean, you didn’t deny it or anything.”

Token glared at the three of us. “I liked it better when we were teasing Clyde,” he admitted.

…

When school got out, we all went to my house to hang out. Thankfully, my dad didn’t seem to be home. He was probably with Liane, and I don’t know, making out with her or something. I was still rather annoyed with him and how he hadn’t told me anything. It would probably be the day before the wedding before he and Liane actually told us when the wedding was. I was grateful I had my friends to calm me down.

I flopped down on my couch, with Token and Craig sitting next to me. “I can’t believe Eric is now in all of my classes,” I moaned, “I can barely stand him for one period when he’s sitting on the other side of the room, let alone all throughout school!”

“Yeah, that really sucks man,” Token agreed, “But at least you have at least one of us in every one of your classes as well.”

I let out a hefty sigh. “That’s true,” I admitted, “I would probably go mad if it weren’t for you guys.”

“Yeah, we keep people sane,” Craig said in his deadpan voice. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I’m pretty sure if it were anyone but me, those three would drive anyone crazy.

“All right, you guys do whatever,” I said, “I’m gonna call my sister really quick.”

Token sat up straight as I said this. “Can I call her?” he asked eagerly. I looked at him.

“No,” I replied simply. As Token slumped back in his seat, and Craig turned on the TV to start playing a video game, I got up to go get my iPad so I could face-time Lilith.

When I sat back down, Token pressed up against me excitedly. I rolled my eyes and smiled with the corner of my mouth. Token had it bad for my sister. I opened my iPad and called Lilith. It didn’t take long for her to answer.

“Hey, Butt-munch!” Lilith greeted cheerfully. I could see her dorm room behind her. She had opted to live alone, as she didn’t want to deal with annoying roommates.

I sighed with annoyance. I always got annoyed when she called me names. You would think she would have matured out of behavior like that.

“Hey, Lilith,” I greeted her in a much nicer way, “What’s going on?”

“Not much,” she admitted, “Stopped a homicidal maniac, saved the world from mass destruction, the usual.” That was one thing I did miss about my sister. She was always such a jokester. “What’s up?”

“Have you heard the news?” I asked, “About dad?”

“He’s finally discovered his hidden super power?” she jokingly guessed.

“I’m serious, Lil,” I said.

“Nah, I haven’t heard from dad in a while,” she told me, “He doesn’t call very often. What’s going on with dad?”

“He’s been dating someone for quite a few months, and only now decided to tell me about it,” I informed her, “Right when he’s gotten engaged to the woman.”

“Seriously?” Lilith raged, “Thanks for keeping us informed, daddy dearest! Who’s the bimbo he’s getting hitched to anyway?”

“Liane Cartman,” I replied.

“Cartman…” she repeated slowly, “Isn’t that the name of the little fat kid who was always getting into trouble?”

“Yeah, that’s her son,” I answered. Lilith let out an over dramatic groan. “Hey, I least you don’t have to live with him! Cartman’s now in all of my classes!”

“I am so sorry, little bro,” Lilith said, and for once she was sincere, “Have they said when the wedding is? Because dad had better fucking invite me!”

“No. I’m guessing he’s going to wait until the last possible moment before telling me,” I muttered bitterly.

“Knowing him, yeah,” she sighed, “Well I’ve got to get going. Mini Godzilla isn’t going to stop itself.”

I was about to bid her farewell, but Token suddenly shoved me over. “Hi Lilith!” he practically screamed.

“Oh, hey Token!” she greeted. I could never tell if she knew Token had a crush on her or not. “Ok, see ya, bro!” Then she hung up.

“Token, I think you dislocated my shoulder,” I muttered, rolling my arm. Token smiled at me and rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t shove you that hard,” he insisted.

“But you did blow out my ear drums,” Craig hissed, holding a hand to his ear.

“You’ll get over it,” Token said, playfully nudging him in the side, “So, which game are we playing?”

Craig was about to reply, when the doorbell rang. I sighed with annoyance. I just wanted some time alone with my friends. When the doorbell rang again, I got up to go answer it with an annoyed look. When I answered it, my annoyance turned into despair.

“What are you doing here, Eric?” I growled.

Cartman grinned nastily at me. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he sneered.

“Yes, I would,” I growled, “This is my house.”

“Well, my mom is making me stay over tonight,” he answered. I glared at him. Would’ve been nice to get a little warning about that, seeing as I had my friends over. But I was starting to realize that Liane was just as unreliable as my dad.

Cartman pushed past me without another word, carrying his stuff under his arm. Angrily glaring at him, I followed him out into the living room where my friends were waiting for me.

“Get out,” he ordered rudely, jerking a thumb over his shoulder.

“Hey ass hole, don’t tell my friends what to do!” I hissed at him.

“GAH! What is Cartman doing here?” Tweek asked, twitching wildly. Craig had to quickly grab his hand to calm him down.

“Liane is making him stay the night, without asking me if I thought it was ok,” I muttered. Cartman scoffed.

“Like my mom gives a fuck about what you want,” he said. He set his stuff down, then went over to the couch and shoved all three of my friends over so he could sit his fat ass down. Frankly, I was surprised he managed to fit.

“We were just about to play a game,” Craig growled at him.

“Good for you,” Cartman replied in his most uncaring voice.

Craig was most likely about to punch him in the face, but I intervened. “Come on, guys, let’s go up to my room,” I offered. Token, Craig, and Tweek quickly freed themselves from the couch and quickly followed me upstairs. As we went, I heard Cartman call to us.

“Enjoy your orgy!”

I should’ve let Craig punch him.


	4. You're Next on the Shit List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde and Cartman are forced to bond at the grocery store. They just sort of end up being mad at each other instead.

When I woke up the next morning, my friends were somehow all crowded onto my bed. I had asked them to stay the night with me so I wouldn’t be alone with Eric, but when I went to sleep, they were on the floor. Now Craig was curled up next to me, Tweek was laying on top of both of us, and Token was at the foot of the bed. When did they get there?

I looked down at the floor and saw that Cartman was sprawled out on it, making himself seem much larger than he actually was. He actually took up most of the floor space. Well, that explained why my friends moved to my bed. No one wants to sleep on the same floor as Cartman. The way he was lying made him look like a Snorlax from Pokémon.

Just as I was wondering how I was supposed to get up with half of a Tweek lying on top of me, my dad burst into my room with so much enthusiasm, that he nearly tore the door off its hinges. The slamming noise the door made was enough to wake everyone up instantly.

“Hey Clyde! Hey Eric!” my dad exclaimed excitedly, “Kick your friends out and get dressed! We’re going family shopping today!”

I blinked at him as my friends and Cartman groaned. “But we have school today,” I pointed out.

“Not today, you don’t!” dad said happily, “Now get up! Liane will be here soon!” Then he closed my abused door with as much force as when he opened it.

“Why does your dad have to be so cheerful in the morning?” Craig muttered. Obviously, Craig was not a morning person. I couldn’t really say I was either, but I did tolerate mornings better than he did.

“Ugh, I think I’d rather go to school,” I grumbled.

“I wouldn’t,” Cartman sneered as he got up from the floor, “I’ll take any excuse not to go to school!”

“That’s hardly surprising,” Token muttered under his breath. I was inclined to agree.

“Well, I guess I have to kick you guys out,” I sighed, “I’ll miss you.”

“It’s not like you’re going away forever,” Token pointed out.

“Yup,” I agreed, “I’ll miss you.”

…

I never liked doing chores or going shopping when I younger. Needless to say, I still didn’t like doing either of those things. Of course, it wasn’t helped by the fact that I hated/strongly disliked two thirds of the people I was with, and I wasn’t too happy with my dad at the moment. And I really didn’t get the point of this. We weren’t “bonding,” it was just my dad and Liane walking around the store while Eric and I followed, bored out of our minds.

“Hey Clyde, do you want one-ply or two-ply toilet paper?” my dad asked, holding rolls up in my face. I gave him a blank, bored stare.

“Dad, I don’t think I could possibly care less right now,” I answered honestly.

My dad stared at me until Liane touched his shoulder. “Why don’t we get both?” she suggested sweetly.

“Great idea, dear!” my dad exclaimed. Eric and I both groaned. I guess this is what we were going to have deal with until we went off to college.

“Eric, do you and Clyde want to go pick out some cereal?” Liane wondered. Cartman rolled his eyes.

“Mom, I’m not ten anymore,” he growled, “I don’t care about sugary cereals, filled with marshmallows, and fat, and…” he paused as if he suddenly realized what he was saying. “Come on, Clyde,” he muttered.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, I followed Eric towards the cereal aisle. For a fat guy, he was walking rather fast. I could barely keep up with him, surprisingly. I actually had to fast walk. He led me through a bunch of different aisles that were not the one we were looking for. Eventually, I ran to catch up with Cartman and grabbed his arm.

“Eric, how long are you going to take to get to the cereal aisle?” I asked him, annoyed. He stared at me with a blank look.

“Well, that would depend on me knowing where it is,” he replied, “Which I don’t.”

I couldn’t have glared any harder at him. “I really fucking hate you,” I growled.

“Feeling’s mutual, soon-to-be-bro,” Cartman dismissed, “Now let’s keep moving! I need my sugar flakes cereal with extra sugar!” I put an arm out to stop him.

“I actually know where I’m going,” I informed him, “So you follow me.” He looked quite pissed, but did as he was told and followed me to the cereal aisle.

Ever since mom died, my dad would drag me to the store with him every time he went, whether I wanted to or not. And most of the time, I did not. But that did mean I knew my way around the store fairly well. Even if they did change where everything was every other year.

When we finally got to the cereal aisle, Cartman immediately started grabbing every sugar-coated kid’s cereal he could fit in his arms. Which was only about five boxes, but in my opinion it was five boxes too many.

“Are you actually going to eat all that cereal?” I wondered.

“Clyde, come on,” he scoffed, and I sighed.

“I know, look at who I’m talking to here,” I muttered.

I didn’t pick out any cereal, as I didn’t really eat it a lot these days. I was rather conscious of my weight these days; I didn’t want to go back to the days when I was ten when I was considered the second fattest kid after Cartman. (I still loved tacos, though. You could never take those away from me.)

When we got back to our parents, I was disgusted to see all the “couples” stuff they had added to the cart. “Him and her” shampoo bottles, assorted dinners for two, and I was especially disturbed to see condoms and lubricant right on top. I had no idea you could get those at a grocery store.

“Oh! Boys! We were just about to go looking for you!” Liane told us as we approached. Cartman dumped his armful of cereal boxes in the cart.

“Did you boys have fun?” my dad asked.

“About as much fun as you can have at a grocery store with people you don’t want to be around,” I replied boredly.

…

When we got home (and by “home” I mean Cartman’s house) after running more boring errands, I was a little surprised to see Heidi waiting at the front door. I mean, she was Eric’s girlfriend, but how long had she been waiting?

Almost everyone was surprised that Heidi and Eric were still dating after all these years. And a lot of us single guys were kind of mad when, after Heidi had gone through an awkward “pimples everywhere” phase when she was fourteen, she turned insanely hot. Like, how did Cartman of all people get lucky enough in fourth grade to score such an in-the-future hot piece of ass? It made a lot of my classmates lose their faith in God.

“Hey Eric!” Heidi greeted when he got out of the car.

“Hey babe,” he said in what he probably thought was a smooth, sexy voice. They ran to embrace each other and immediately started making out like crazy. I was a little disgusted by it. Even Tweek and Craig didn’t show that much PDA.

“Eric,” Liane called to him, her arms full of groceries, “Would you come help bring in the groceries, please?”

“NOT NOW, MOM!” he screamed at her, “I’M BUSY MAKING OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND! JEEZ!”

“Selfish prick,” I muttered under my breath. I was being a good son and carrying as much bags as I possibly could.

“Come on, Eric,” Heidi encouraged, “Let’s help carry stuff in. Then we can get to your room faster.” She winked at him, and I had to resist the urge to throw up.

Reluctantly, Cartman came to help us, with Heidi by his side.

I walked over to my dad when we got into the house. “Hey dad, when are we going home?” I asked, “I really wanted to call Token and asked what I missed in school today. Since, you know, you made us miss it?”

My dad chuckled. “Why don’t you just call him from here?” he wondered.

“Well, I wanted to hang out with my friends,” I told him, “Maybe get my homework done, so I’m not behind tomorrow.”

“Nonsense!” my dad scoffed, “You can do all that later! Right now, it’s family bonding time!” He annoyingly patted me on the head. I was about to point out that Cartman didn’t have to participate in “family bonding time” as he was dragging Heidi towards his bedroom, but my dad had already walked away.

I sighed in annoyance and walked over to the couch, and plopped down onto it. I suddenly realized that I was by myself. Cartman and Heidi were doing Lord knows what in his room, and I’m guessing the same happened to my dad and Liane. Great. So, apparently “family bonding time” meant ditching me to go have wild sex.

Annoyed, I pulled out my phone to group text with Craig, Tweek, and Token. I might as well do something while trying to pretend I wasn’t here.

Clyde: You guys there?  
Token: Yeah. R U at home?  
Clyde: No. I’m at Cartman’s.  
Craig: Why?  
Clyde: We’re bonding. Apparently.

I stopped texting when I heard a loud moan from someone’s bedroom. I couldn’t tell whose it was, though. It really made me again wish for the gift of a driver’s license so I could just drive myself home. When I looked back at my phone, I had gotten a few more texts.

Token: Fun.  
Tweek: Whatisthatsupposedtomean?

Oh Tweek. Will you ever learn how to use the space bar?

Clyde: Well, according to the noises coming from the two bedrooms, I think bonding means having sex.  
Clyde: While ignoring me.  
Craig: Gross.  
Token: I’m so sorry man.  
Clyde: Yeah.  
Clyde: Did I miss anything in school today?  
Token: Not really.  
Clyde: Thank God.

I was pretty sure the noises coming from Eric’s room had gotten louder. Like he was trying to show off to me or something. Pathetic loser. Why would I care? I’m pretty sure Heidi was faking anyway. Who would find Cartman attractive?

Token: Do you want us to come over?

I thought about that for a moment.

Clyde: Actually, could you just come and get me? I’d rather be anywhere else but here right now.  
Token: All right. I’m on my way.

Thank the Lord for Token. I quickly grabbed the few things I had with me and went out on the front porch to wait for Token to arrive.


	5. Hating All of This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde hangs out with Token for a while and finally learns when his dad's wedding is.

I was so glad when Token finally pulled into the driveway. I could swear I could see angel wings on him as I grinned and walked over to his super nice car.

“Thanks for coming to get me, Token,” I said as I got in, “You’re my hero.”

“Was it really that bad?” Token wondered as he shifted into reverse.

“Yes!” I exclaimed, “As soon as we got the groceries in everyone went off to their own rooms to start fucking! I was not going to listen to that all night.”

Token couldn’t stop himself from snickering. “I can imagine,” he chuckled, “I think I would go crazy if I had to listen to a bunch of people banging. Especially if one of them was Eric Cartman.”

I sighed, leaning back in my seat. “Yeah,” I muttered, “It’s cool if I just hang out at your place until my dad notices I’m gone, right?”

“Don’t you mean if he notices?” Token asked, winking at me, “And yeah, it’s cool.”

“Oh thank you!” I sighed with relief.

It wasn’t a long drive to Token’s luxurious mansion, but then again nothing in South Park was a long drive. Driving from one side of town to the other probably at most only took about six to eight minutes. Unless you’re Craig and you drive like a maniac. Then it only takes like two minutes.

I was always grateful that the Blacks never minded when Token had company over. They never asked questions, or demanded he let them know beforehand. Their mansion was so huge it was rare for Token and his parents to actually cross paths when he had company over.

Token took me to his room when we got to his mansion. I wouldn’t be surprised if Token spent all his time in his room. It had nearly everything he needed to live on his own. A refrigerator, a large screen TV, a bed, his own bathroom. The only thing it didn’t have was human interaction, which was what I was there for.

We played games on Token’s giant TV for a while before I suddenly got a text. I was a bit excited as I picked up my phone to check; for a moment I thought it would be from my dad actually noticing that I was gone and wondering where I was. I was quite disgusted when it was something else entirely.

“Ugh! Really Eric?!” I scowled, “That’s disgusting!”

“What?” Token wondered, pausing the game of GTA V he had been playing. I handed him my phone, which was open to the picture Cartman had sent. His face immediately screwed up with disgust.

“Oh God!” he exclaimed, “Why? Is that-?”

“Yeah,” I groaned, “That’s a dick pic all right.”

“Gross!” Token gagged, “Why? Why? And why does he have your cell phone number?”

“I have no idea,” I admitted as I took my phone back and deleted his number and the picture, “He probably just wanted to show off or something. I don’t know why he keeps acting like I’m jealous that he has a girlfriend.”

Token looked at me. “Are you jealous?” he wondered.

“Not really,” I replied, “I don’t know why everyone acts like you have to have a girlfriend in high school. I’m perfectly fine being single.”

“You sure about that?” Token asked, giving me a sly look, “I mean, you were quite the heart breaker in elementary and middle school.”

I rolled my eyes at him. Ha ha, how funny. Make fun of Clyde, who everyone knew was a loser with the ladies when he was younger. That was one of the reasons (besides my raging love for Craig) that I decided to go through my high school career single. Just way too much hassle and drama. I didn’t need a girl attached to my hip.

But I also couldn’t let Token get away with that comment, so I decided to hit at his sore spot. “So, Token, how’s Nichole?” I wondered.

Token glared at me. He and Nichole had never gotten back together after all the girls dumped their boyfriends during that whole SkankHunt thing back in fourth grade. Sure, Token had been the one who rejected her when she tried to get back together, claiming that all the girls dumping their boyfriends because of one internet troll was stupid, but I think he always regretted it. After a while, Nichole realized she was never going to win him back, so instead she started going out with Kyle, and Token was single ever since.

“Fuck you, dude,” he snarled at me. I put on a hurt face.

“Aw, I’m sorry Token,” I apologized, and I really meant it, “I shouldn’t have said that. It was too close to home.”

Token sighed heavily. “It’s all right,” he muttered, “I really should be over her by now. I guess I just wanted her to be in despairing denial longer than she was. Is that wrong of me to say?”

“Nah,” I dismissed, “I think it’s perfectly healthy to wish bad things for your ex who broke up with you for a stupid reason.”

I took the controller from him as he flopped backwards onto his bed. He looked tired, even though it wasn’t that late. I wondered if he slept well last night. I carefully leaned over him and looked down at him. He stared up at me.

“You want me to text Tweek and Craig and ask if they want to come over?” I asked him, “Turn this into a party, but not really?”

Token managed to smile. “Yeah, man,” he replied, “Invite those guys. You know I can never say no to Tweek and Craig.”

Smiling, I texted Craig asking if he and Tweek wanted to come over. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need to text Tweek and ask him, because I knew Craig was with him. Whenever Craig wasn’t with me, he was with Tweek. That was just an accepted fact at this point in our lives.

It was only about thirty seconds before I got a reply from Craig. He asked why I was inviting him to Token’s home, immediately followed by stating he and Tweek would be here soon. I couldn’t help but grin. Good ol’ predictable Craig. I tossed my phone onto the night stand.

“They’ll be here soon,” I informed Token.

“Of course they will,” he said with a laugh, “Those two are so easy to predict! They can’t say no to us!”

True to his word, it did not take long for Craig and Tweek to get to Token’s house. I wasn’t very surprised that they came in unannounced. Craig never did like grand entrances. He and Tweek came into the room and unceremoniously flopped down onto the bed with us.

“You didn’t break any traffic laws to get here, did you?” I asked Craig. He shrugged.

“Only a few,” he replied. I scoffed at my friend, though I couldn’t really tell if he was joking or not. You could never tell with Craig.

Tweek was curled up on the bed next to Craig. “GNN! So, what are we doing?” he wondered.

“Well, we were playing GTA V before,” I explained, “Token kept dying.”

“Because you kept distracting me!” Token growled at me.

A wild grin spread on Craig’s face. “I want to see Token die a lot!” he exclaimed.

“Me too!” Tweek agreed.

Sighing, Token picked the controller back up and continued playing. Token did actually do the story missions from time to time, but most of his time was spent what every person did who played Grand Theft Auto: dick around a lot. At one point Token rented a blimp and started flying over the city. Tweek somehow managed to convince him to reach the highest point the blimp would go, float out over the ocean, then jump out. The jump was pretty damn epic, but the best part was what the blimp did. I expected it to just slowly fall down until it hit the ground.

Instead, it fucking exploded in midair! It was hilarious, and as soon as it happened we all burst out in laughter. Token swam back to shore, and we could see the flaming wreckage of our blimp. It was a beautiful sight.

We traded off between us, trying to find the most hilarious things to do to potentially get the police after us. I had never seen Craig play GTA before, and I was quite surprised by how he played. But maybe it was a one-time thing. While driving, he actually obeyed all traffic laws and didn’t run into anyone. He didn’t run any traffic lights or drive really fast. Quite the opposite of how he drove in real life.

Tweek, however, crashed into everyone and everything. And for the life of me, I couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose or not. I, on the other hand, took to my favorite GTA past-time: running up to random people on the street, punching their lights out, then taking selfies next to their corpses.

“You’re so strange, dude,” Token commented, as I lined up for my fourteenth selfie.

“It’s a living,” I commented.

After a couple hours, we got rather tired, and Token invited us to stay the night, which we gratefully accepted. As we all got ready for bed, I checked my phone again to see if my dad had texted. I was disappointed that he did not. Did he even realize I wasn’t there?

Sighing, I put my phone on the nightstand and laid down. Token’s bed was so fucking huge, it easily fit all four of us. And we often slept together on Token’s bed when we stayed over. It’s not weird, I swear!

Token slept on one edge of the bed, Tweek on the other, and Craig and I slept between them. I don’t know if he knew this or not, but Craig cuddled in his sleep. If he had someone sleeping next to him, as soon as he fell asleep, he would snuggle right up to them. The first time it happened to me I didn’t tell him, because I didn’t want him to be embarrassed. I don’t know if Tweek has told him though.

I’m ashamed to say that whenever I sleep in the same bed with Craig and Tweek, I always hope Craig will fall asleep facing me so we can cuddle without him knowing. But he always has his arms wrapped around Tweek when he lays down, and so far I have not gotten my cuddle. Craig and I haven’t really had a sleepover, just the two of us since I first realized I was in love with him. But I try not to let it get to me. After all, he loves Tweek, and all I really want is to see him happy.

When we were all comfortable on the bed, Token clapped his hands, turning off the lights. Oh yeah, Token had those fancy clap lights. Rich asshole. If I wanted a new lightbulb for my room, I would have to beg my dad and he always said, “Save your money, son!”

I tried to get comfortable in between Token and Craig. I was trying not to touch either of them, so it wouldn’t be weird. I had my back to Token and was facing Craig, who had his back to me, and no doubt had Tweek in his arms.

It may sound creepy, but sometimes I liked to watch Craig and Tweek sleep. They were so in love with each other, it was really quite adorable. Craig would always have his arms wrapped round Tweek, who would be curled up and pressing as close as he could to Craig. Tweek would have his face in Craig’s neck, while Craig would be curled around Tweek’s body. I always felt so warm inside when seeing Craig’s compassionate side. I could feel their love for each other just lying next to them. It was one of the major reasons I never tried to act on my feelings for Craig; I didn’t want to ruin what he had with Tweek.

While I contemplated this, I suddenly felt Token move closer to me. It suddenly got a lot warmer when he did, and I don’t know why. But, just like when a sunbeam hits me while I’m in the car, it knocked me right out.

…

When I woke up the next morning, both Token and Craig were pressed right up against me. I couldn’t help but smile a little, feeling their warm bodies at my sides. It made me feel loved for whatever reason.

But at the same time, I was a little trapped. I wanted to get up and use the bathroom, but I didn’t want to disturb my friends. I would have to go commando, and slooooowly wiggle my way out between them. Taking a deep breath, I started moving my body, making my way out under the covers towards our feet. It took quite a long time, but I finally made it. As soon as I did, I made a mad dash to the bathroom in Token’s room. When I was finished in there, I made a quick prayer to the Lord, thanking him for designing Token’s house with a bathroom in his room, so I didn’t have to go running through his house searching for one.

When I came out, Tweek was sitting up and looking around with a slightly confused look on his face. I was guessing that he momentarily forgot that he had slept here last night, which was understandable. He had told me once that any time he didn’t wake up in his own bed he was confused in the morning. I went over and sat next to him, and I saw that Craig still had an arm around his waist.

“Forget why you were here?” I asked Tweek with a soft chuckle. He blushed a little.

“Maybe,” he mumbled.

I smiled then reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. There were still no messages from my dad, so I decided to go onto Facebook. I hadn’t been on in a couple of days, and I needed to stay updated with my peeps.

A confused look passed my face when I saw there was a new event posted by my dad. I tapped on it and looked it over. I was rather annoyed to see it was about the wedding. So, another thing where he decided not to actually tell me. Well, at least now I would know when it was. I scrolled to the date and my heart stopped.

Tweek must’ve noticed my distress, because he gave me a worried look. “Clyde?” he asked, “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

Without saying anything, I handed him my phone and pointed at the date. I felt him stiffen beside me.

The date of the wedding was April 10. My birthday.


	6. Punch Him Right in the Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde talks to his father about changing the date of the wedding. Things do not go well.

Craig and Token sat beside me while Tweek hugged me from behind as I pouted. How could he do this to me? How could my own father care about me so little that he would put the date of his wedding on his own son’s birthday!? I felt tears coming to my eyes, but I fought them back. I didn’t like to cry in front of my friends. I haven’t cried in front of anyone since the fifth grade.

I was shaking with rage. Either my dad forgot that April 10 was my birthday, or he remembered and put the wedding on that date anyway. Both scenarios made me mad. Either one was horrible.

“Are you doing all right?” Craig asked me gently after a while.

“No,” I muttered, “I’m so mad! Of course my dad would steal the one day I can have to myself away from me! The one day I can count on that he’ll actually pay attention to me, and now he’ll make it all about himself!”

“I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose,” Token tried to reason.

“It doesn’t fucking matter!” I growled. I tried not to raise my voice too much. I didn’t want my friends to get the impression that I was angry at them. “Whether or not he did it on purpose, it doesn’t matter! If he didn’t, then that means he forgot his own son’s birthday! If he did, then he’s an asshole!”

I felt Tweek shiver slightly behind me. I knew he hated it when people yelled, but I couldn’t help it.

“Why don’t you try talking to him?” Tweek suggested, after twitching for a second, “Maybe he’ll change the date if you explain how upset you are.”

Sometimes Tweek made too much sense. I sighed and forced myself to calm down.

“You’re right,” I muttered, “Maybe this is just a misunderstanding or something. I should just talk to him.”

Token patted me on the back. “There you go,” he said cheerfully, “Surely he wouldn’t ignore his son, would he?”

You would think that, wouldn’t you?

…

Token drove me back to my house after we had breakfast. I was glad to find that my dad was home, and I was actually kind of glad Liane was there as well. That way I could talk to both of them at the same time. Maybe if she heard my plea, Liane would even back me up.

Cartman was on my couch, eating chips, and watching TV, but I ignored him and went to the kitchen where the two adults were. My dad and Liane were chatting excitedly in low voices, and had an iPad between them. They were pointing at something on the screen.

“Hey dad, can I talk to you for a minute?” I requested.

“Oh, hey Clyde!” my father greeted, “I was wondering where you went!”

If you were wondering where I was, why didn’t you text me? I thought, bitterly, I know you have a cell phone! But I pushed the thoughts aside to keep myself from getting angry. I needed to be calm right now.

Before I could open my mouth again, Liane spoke. “Clyde! Come look at the house we’re going to buy!” she exclaimed. Oh yeah. I guess we would move once they were married. Though, I don’t know why. I’m pretty sure the house we lived in now could fit two more people, one of which was going to share a bedroom with my dad. But I guess dad didn’t want to start a new marriage in a house where his late wife died.

Sighing, I walked over to them and Liane held up the iPad so I could see. I guess it was an all right house. I mean, it didn’t look like a dump in the picture, but it didn’t look like anything special to me. Maybe they saw something in it that I couldn’t. Then a sudden thought occurred to me.

“This house is in South Park, right?” I asked, the desperation obvious in my voice. If we had to move out of South Park and away from my friends, I would die.

My dad chuckled. “Yes, this is in South Park,” he replied, “I still need my job here.”

Even though he had made it about himself again, I breathed a sigh of relief. At least that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about with this marriage.

“Dad, can I talk to you about the wedding?” I requested.

He looked at me and smiled. “Oh, you saw the Facebook post, huh?” he said, “We’re going to send out actual invitations next week, but we wanted to spread the word.”

Yes, and you two conveniently forgot to tell Eric and me about the date, I thought angrily.

“That’s great, but I wanted to talk to you about the date,” I told him.

“Ah, yes, April 10,” he replied, “We thought forever for the perfect date. We wanted a spring wedding.”

“I know, but that-“ I was cut off when he continued.

“It was my idea to put it in April,” he said, “Right in the middle of spring. March is too close to winter, and May is too close to Summer. No, April is perfect.”

“Yes, but-“

“And we wanted to do have it within the first days of April, maybe catch a bit of dew off the April showers. And ten is such nice, round number. Perfectly symbolizes our love, and unity!”

“Dad, it’s my-“

“There’s power in ten, son. Never forget that I-“

“DAD! APRIL TENTH IS MY BIRTHDAY!” I yelled, interrupting him.

My dad stopped and stared at me with wide eyes, and I heard a noise of surprise come from Liane. I hadn’t meant to shout, but my dad didn’t let me speak. I stared at him, expecting him to immediately apologize and start offering to change the date.

“Oh,” he said simply, “Well, that’s too bad.”

That’s too bad? That’s all he had to say? No apology, no nothing? He wasn’t serious, was he? He had to have more than that!

“You’re going to change the date, right?” I asked him. Dad didn’t look me in the eye.

“We can’t, son,” he muttered, “Everything is already set up. The date is set, everything is planned out. We can’t change it now.”

“What the fuck are you talking about!?” I snapped, “April is three months from now! Nothing is set in stone, nothing is set up! You can change the fucking date! I don’t care if you still have it in April, just don’t put it on my birthday!”

“Clyde, be reasonable,” my dad said calmly, “Liane and I both agreed that April 10 was the perfect date. We simply cannot change it.”

“Oh, I see,” I growled, fighting back tears, “So you care about your whore of a fiancé more than your own son, is that it?”

“Clyde Donovan!” my dad shouted, “Do not call Liane a whore!”

“Why not?” I scowled, “Everyone knows she’s a slut who will sleep with anyone! I don’t know why you’re going through all of this trouble, you’ll probably get divorced within the year anyway!”

“Oh dear!” Liane exclaimed. My dad was red faced with fury.

“You apologize this instant!” he demanded.

“Why should I?!” I yelled in defiance, “I don’t care! I don’t care about her, or this stupid wedding! You obviously don’t care about me! And you obviously don’t care about mom either if you want to sell the-“

I was cut off when I was suddenly struck across the face. I heard Liane shriek, and I stumbled backwards, holding my sore cheek, and practically crashed into the refrigerator. I stared at my dad in complete shock as he frowned at me.

My dad had never hit me before. Not once. He had never hit me, never smacked me, never spanked me, never lay a finger on me.

Before anyone could say anything, I bolted from the house. I ran past Eric, ignoring the looks he gave me and just fled the house. I didn’t stop running, even after I was out. I think I heard my dad call to me, but I wasn’t sure. Even if he did, I ignored him.

I didn’t even realize I was running straight to Craig’s house. My feet just took me there. I didn’t stop running until I was on his front porch, knocking on the door. I was breathing heavily from the running, and I was glad that it was Craig who answered the door.

“Dude, are you ok?” he asked me immediately. I shook my head and fought back tears.

“Can I stay here tonight?” I requested, unable to keep my voice from shaking, “I don’t want to be in the same house as my dad right now.”

“Of course, man,” Craig replied, stepping aside to allow me access. I quietly thanked him and headed inside.

The other Tuckers didn’t seem to be around at the moment. Craig led me over to the couch where he gestured for me to sit down. I did so, and he sat next to me. In front of us, the TV was on, and of course Red Racer was on. Even at almost eighteen Craig had not outgrown that show.

Craig muted the TV and turned to me. “Do you want to talk about whatever happened?” he asked me. I sighed heavily.

“I told my dad that April 10 is my birthday,” I explained to him, “But he wouldn’t change the date of the wedding. He didn’t even have a good reason not to. He just said it was the perfect date and wouldn’t change it. I told him he cared more about Liane than he did about me and called her a whore.” I paused to take a breath. “Then I started yelling… and he smacked me.”

“He hit you?” Craig clarified in a shocked voice, “That’s horrible!”

I could feel tears coming back to my eyes, but again, I fought them down. “Yeah,” I muttered, “I can’t believe he would do this to me. I don’t care if he had agreed to change the date to the ninth, or eleventh, or something. But why does it have to be the tenth?”

Craig moved closer to me and gently wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He gave me a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry, Clyde,” he murmured, “I know you value the time you get to spend with your dad on your birthday. If it’s any consolation, Tweek, Token, and I will still celebrate it with you. We can party for your birthday and completely ignore the wedding.”

“Thanks,” I grumbled. I really did appreciate his attempt to cheer me up. “I’m sure my dad will want me to be in the wedding, though. Unless he forgets that I even exist again.”

I felt Craig squeeze me again, and I gently leaned into him. Being here alone with Craig could almost make me forget about my problems. His gentle soothing tone of voice was doing wonders for me, and I almost wanted to break down and tell him I love him right there. I didn’t though. I managed to restrain myself.

“Do you want to watch a movie and order a pizza for lunch or something?” Craig asked me after a minute. I looked at him and did my best to smile.

“Sure,” I replied, “But I’m picking the movie.”

“Only if it’s not Guardians of the Galaxy again,” my friend told me as he picked up the phone. I gave him a look.

“Why not?” I wondered, “It’s a great movie!”

“Yeah, but we’ve watched it about fifty times this month,” Craig pointed out.

“So?”

We eventually decided to watch The Avengers instead, as we’d only watched it thirty-seven times this month. Luckily the pizza arrived fairly quickly so it didn’t really interrupt the movie at an action-packed time. Even though I had cut back on fatty foods and eating too much, I couldn’t help myself. I was upset. I ate half the pizza, where Craig only had two slices. I wasn’t even that hungry.

“Slow down, pig,” Craig mocked me, “We’re only half way through the movie.”

“Fuck you, Craig,” I muttered, “I’m allowed to over eat. I’m upset.”

Craig sighed but didn’t say anything. As the movie ended, I was curled up on the couch in a fetal position, clutching my stomach. I should not have eaten that fifth piece of pizza. Craig turned off the movie and looked over at me.

“I told you not to eat all that pizza,” he said.

“Uurgh, fuck you, Craig,” I groaned.

Smirking, Craig leaned over and gently rubbed my back. I couldn’t help but sigh in content. His gentle touch felt so good to me. I wondered what it would be like to have his arms around me. I had never known.

“Are you doing all right, buddy?” he asked me.

“I don’t feel well,” I confessed with a moan. I heard him snicker at me and then felt him move closer to me. I let out an involuntary moan as I felt him press against me. Why did I have to be sick to get him to be this close to me?

“You’ll be fine, bud,” he reassured me, “Do you need an antacid, or maybe a bucket?”

I lifted my head the best I could and gave him a weary look. “Both, please,” I muttered.

He nodded and got up to get me the stuff. He returned not a moment too soon with the bucket before I started puking into it. Craig stood by quietly and waited for me to finish. When I was done, he sat down beside me and gently rubbed my back.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, “Can I have that antacid, please?”

He handed it to me, along with a glass of water. I took it with the water, swallowing greedily. I felt Craig put an arm around me.

“Come on,” he said, “Let’s get you up to my room to rest. You’ll feel much better.”

I allowed him to help me to my feet and carry me up to his room. I laid down on his bed with a groan. He gently tucked his blanket up over me.

“I have to go back downstairs and take care of a few things before my parents get home,” he informed me, “But I’ll be back up in a few minutes to check on you, all right?”

“Okay,” I murmured. I stared after him as he left, and I sighed quietly to myself. “Why can’t I tell you how I feel about you?”


	7. Just Call in Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde takes a chance, then he and his new future family move into their new home.

I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep, and when I woke up, I was surprised. Craig was asleep next to me, breathing peacefully, and was pressed against me. He was clutching the front of my shirt in both hands, and his face was very close to mine. For a moment I forgot how to breath. Craig was asleep. Next to me. And pressing against me.

My heart was racing in my chest at that moment. I didn’t know what to do. Should I wake him up? Should I let him sleep? Should I wrap my arms around him? What if he thought I was weird? I wanted so badly to put my arms around him and kiss him (he was asleep, he would never know), but what if he woke when I was kissing him? What if he punched me in the face for cuddling and kissing him while he was asleep?

Oh God, I was turning into Tweek.

I decided I would just go for it. Holding my breath, I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to his. Instantly, an electrical tingling feeling surged through my body. This felt so good, and so right. I couldn’t believe how sensational this felt, and I was barely touching his lips! I felt a little braver and kissed him deeper. God, this felt so good. Tweek was so lucky that he got to kiss Craig whenever he wanted to.

Just when I was thinking about pushing it further, I felt Craig stir beneath me. I quickly pulled back so he wouldn’t catch me. He groaned and stretched and finally opened his eyes.

“Morning,” I greeted him, trying to put on my straight face.

“Mmph,” he muttered in response. He slowly sat up and looked at me. “Feeling any better this morning?” he asked.

I let out a deep sigh. “I don’t feel sick anymore, so that’s good,” I replied, “But I still feel horrible about my dad.” I buried my face in my hands. “What am I going to do?”

Craig didn’t reply, but put an arm around me and pressed me close to him. I sighed and leaned into him, grateful for his company. We sat there for a few minutes, with Craig just holding me. I really just wanted to press my face into his neck and start kissing him all over.

Eventually, Craig sighed. “I wish I had an answer for you, Clyde,” he murmured, “But the truth is, I don’t know what you should do. I guess the best advice I can offer is try to make amends with your dad.”

I sighed heavily. I knew he was right. He usually was. But I didn’t really feel like seeing my dad right now. Or anyone except Craig.

“Come on,” Craig said, nudging me, “Let’s go get some breakfast. It might make you feel better.” He put an arm around my shoulders and helped me to my feet.

…

Eventually I went back to my dad’s house, of course. I was still mad, but he tried to act like nothing was wrong. Liane was a little weary of me, but that was understandable. I wasn’t exactly friendly towards her. And Eric? Well, he was Eric.

The next few weeks were rather awkward between the four of us. My dad made me start packing all my stuff, but I wasn’t really into it. Token, Craig, and Tweek helped me box up all my stuff, which admittedly wasn’t a lot. When we moved to the new house, they helped carry my stuff in. The really positive thing I could say about this new house was that I now lived closer to Token. But at the same time, I also lived further away from Craig and Tweek.

While we carried my boxes to my new room, my friends did their best to cheer me up. And I really did appreciate their help. Tweek pointed out that I got a new bed out of this, since my old one was kind of ratty. Token mentioned that my new room was bigger than my old room. And Craig showed me that the path to my room was in a way so that if I was upset and didn’t feel like talking to anyone, I could go directly to my room while avoiding every other room.

Unfortunately, my room was right next to Eric’s room. And I was positive he would use this fact to torment me whenever he could.

When we got all my boxes to my room, I flopped down on my mattress that currently didn’t have the bed frame set up. My friends came over and sat down next to me.

“This room is going to need more color,” Craig noted as he looked around, “It’s too bear for my tastes.”

“Well, then, it’s a good thing it’s not your room, huh?” I said snidely, “Anyway, I have to fish out all my posters and junk. Maybe that will make this place feel a little more lived-in.”

“We could help you unpack some of this stuff,” Token offered. I sighed.

“Nah, I don’t want you guys having to do more work,” I replied, “You’ve already done enough for me.”

“GAH! Are you sure?” Tweek wondered, “We don’t mind! Really!”

I couldn’t help but smile at Tweek’s offer. I was about to reply, when we suddenly heard something next door. I heard the door open and there was a lot of giggling. It sounded like Eric and Heidi. There was the sound of a bed squeaking as they got on it.

“Great,” I muttered to my friends, “The walls are thin. I’m going to hear every time he gets up during the night.”

“Maybe it won’t be that bad,” Token assured me.

Then we heard it. A combination of rapid bed squeaks and the sound of Eric and Heidi moaning loudly. It was very obvious what they were doing, and I immediately buried my face in my hands. Leave it to Eric to start having wild and loud sex while I had my friends over!

As soon as the sounds started, Craig quickly cupped his hands over Tweek’s ears, trying to muffle them. I didn’t blame him. Not that I thought Tweek couldn’t handle mature things like sex, but he (as well as the rest of us) really didn’t need to listen to this right now.

“I have a suggestion, Clyde,” Craig muttered to me as he held his hands on Tweek’s ears, “Invest in some earplugs as soon as you can.”

“I don’t know if there are earplugs strong enough to block this out,” I replied tersely, as Eric and Heidi continued without remorse. “I’m really sorry, guys,” I added, feeling the need to apologize, “If I had known he was going to do this…”

“No need to apologize,” Token said quickly, “How about we go out and grab some dinner and hopefully by the time we get back they’ll be done.”

“All right, but you’re paying,” I told him.

The sound of Eric and Heidi in the throes of passion followed us all the way out the door, and into the street.

…

I was unwilling to admit just how uncomfortable listening to Eric and Heidi having sex made me. None of us were very sexually active, as neither Token nor I had girlfriends, and Tweek and Craig wanted to wait until they were both ready. Not that I’d never had sex before. But I’d only done it twice. The first time was with Bebe, and I was super excited, since I had been pursuing her since the fourth grade. It was… ok? I guess? It wasn’t as mind blowing or exciting as I thought it would be. The second time was with Red, and that was mediocre as well. After that, I realized I just wasn’t as into girls as much as I was into Craig.

Don’t get me wrong, I still liked girls, and could easily be turned on by them. But I didn’t really view them in a sexual sense anymore. I didn’t find girls like Bebe nearly as hot anymore. I don’t know what was up with me.

We were at a diner we liked to go to a lot as I reflected on this. I was sitting next to Token, while Tweek and Craig were sitting together. Tweek was resting his head on Craig’s shoulder, while Craig ran his hand through his golden locks. I watched them, wondering what it was like to be in a committed relationship like them. I wouldn’t really know.

None of us spoke for a while. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who was traumatized by the noises we had heard. Eventually, though, Token decided to break the silence.

“Well, other than you-know-what, the new house seems really nice,” he said. I sighed.

“I guess,” I muttered, “I suppose it’ll take some getting used to. It doesn’t really feel like home yet.”

“I’m sure it will in time,” Tweek offered, “New places always feel strange at first.”

Even though there was a part of me that never wanted that house to feel like home, I did appreciate the thought. Besides, it’s not like I would be living there for much longer. Hopefully, anyway.

“Hey Token, have you made that list of colleges we should try applying to?” I asked.

“Sort of,” he replied, “It’s not finished, but I have been researching colleges that have degrees for all our interests. I’ll tell you, it’s not easy.”

“I can imagine,” Craig agreed, “But no matter what, I just want to go to the same college as you guys.”

“Same,” Token chuckled.

After we ate, we went back to my house, and my friends helped me unpack a little. When it got late, they went home, leaving me alone. I decided to take the time to try out the shower, and grabbed a towel. I had to admit the water pressure wasn’t that bad, and it didn’t take long for the water to heat up. I lingered longer than I probably should have, but I just felt like letting the warm water run over me for a while.

I got out and dried my hair as best I could with a towel before wrapping another one around my waist. Then I went to my room to get dressed. But when I got there, I saw that my door was open. I was concerned. I was sure I had closed it.

Cautiously, I opened the door and was shocked by who was sitting on my bed.


	8. Clyde Never Gets Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time!

Heidi, in rather skimpy night-time lingerie, was sitting on my bed and smiling in a slightly seductive way. She eyed me up and down as I stepped in the room, and I immediately felt embarrassed. I only had a towel on, after all. But I also felt a fair bit of confusion.

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” I demanded, trying not to sound too angry. Heidi gave me another smile.

“Oh, I’m sorry, is this your room?” she asked, “Pardon me, I stepped out for a moment, and I couldn’t remember which room was Eric’s. This place is just as new to me as it is to you, after all.”

I couldn’t even comprehend how feeble that excuse was. Where was Eric, first of all? And didn’t she notice that my mattress was on the floor, and not in a bed frame like Eric’s? Or that the room was completely different from his? Surely she wasn’t this stupid?

Before I could address any of this, Heidi got up from my bed and walked over to me. She ran a hand over my bare chest, and I took a hasty step backwards.

“What are you doing?” I asked, suspicious. She flashed her sexy smile.

“Sorry,” she replied, “You’re just so ripped. You’ve been working out since we were younger, haven’t you? It’s really paid off.”

I felt myself start to shiver slightly, but I couldn’t tell if it was because I was still half naked or not. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat.

“Um, that’s very nice of you to say,” I told her, “But would you mind getting out of my room so I can get dressed now?”

Heidi giggled. “Sure thing, cutie,” she said, pinching my cheek. Before I could respond, she was out the door, and I could hear her going over to Eric’s room.

I stared at the door, dumbfounded. Did she just flirt with me? I haven’t had a girl flirt with me since I was ten and the girls wanted to date me to get free shoes! Besides, she was with Eric! She wouldn’t cheat on him… would she?

Sighing, I decided not to dwell on it as I got dressed and got ready for bed. Just as I suspected, I could easily hear everything going on in Eric’s room throughout the night. He and Heidi didn’t shut up until like, three in the morning. School was torture the next day.

…

The next week was a little dull. Jason White’s ultra conservative parents were out of town the next weekend, and Jason wanted to stick it to them by throwing a party. So, all week everyone was anticipating this party instead of paying attention to school work.

“Are you guys going to Jason’s party on Saturday?” I asked my friends at lunch.

“Yeah, man!” Token answered excitedly, “You know I can’t resist a good party! And I hear that Jason knows the combination to his father’s safe where he keeps all the alcohol!”

“Nice,” I grinned.

Across from me, Tweek twitched. “NNG! There’s going to be drinking at this party?” he wondered nervously.

“Of course, dude!” I replied, “It’s a party!”

“But we’re underage!” he pointed out, twitching again, “Gah! I don’t think I’m going to go. Too many people, and way too much pressure!”

“I’m not going either,” Craig told us. I frowned at him.

“Why not?” I questioned.

“You know I can’t stand parties,” he said, “Besides, every party is basically the same. Everyone gets drunk, someone starts a stupid party game like Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare, or Never Have I Ever, and people spend the whole game trying to make out with me, or get details about mine and Tweek’s sex life. Also, since it’s one of Jason’s parties, he’ll spend the entire night hitting on me.”

Needless to say, a lot of kids in school were interested in Craig. I’m one of the first to admit that he’s very handsome, but I never really cared about that. A lot of kids, Jason included, would do anything to get in Craig’s pants, but he didn’t care about any of them. He was entirely devoted to Tweek.

So, I guess it’s not really that surprising that he didn’t want to go. He would only go if Tweek wanted to go, and Tweek didn’t want to, so that was that. Neither of them were drinkers or smokers, so they couldn’t even enjoy that aspect of parties.

I, on the other hand, loved to drink, so I was looking forward to seeing what kind of drinks Jason’s father had. And unlike most people, I actually knew how to control myself. I never got drunk at parties. I knew how to get just tipsy enough to enjoy myself.

“You know, I never got why people think they have to get drunk at parties to have a good time,” Craig was lecturing while I was lost in thought, “Alcohol is a depressant, and studies have proven that the ‘having fun’ part of it is a placebo effect. You’re usually just going to end up fucking yourself up, because you got all depressed and end up doing things you regret. The only reason sober people don’t have a good time is because everyone around them is drunk and stupid.”

Token rolled his eyes at him. “Yeah, yeah, Craig,” he scoffed, “We get the same lecture from you every time there’s a party.”

“And yet you never listen to me,” Craig muttered, “That’s why I had to drive your drunk ass home after the last party because you broke down crying in the middle of it because you saw Nichole making out with Kyle.”

Token blushed so hard at his words, I actually managed to see the red on his face. To save him the embarrassment, I decided to change the subject.

“Do you guys know anyone else who’s going?” I asked.

“NNG! I think I heard Stan and those guys saying they wanted to go,” Tweek answered, “Not sure about Cartman though.”

“Yeah, Stan can never resist getting drunk,” I laughed, “And then poor Wendy has to cut his party short and drive him home when he can’t even stand up straight.”

“Do you think Butters and Kevin will be there?” Token wondered, “I want to see if the rumors about them is true.”

“What rumor?” Craig asked.

“There’s been a rumor going around that Butters and Kevin are dating,” I told him, “And you know what? I can see it. They’re just odd enough to make it work.”

“Hear that, Tweek? We’re not the only gay kids in school anymore,” Craig said to his love. Tweek let out one of his involuntary shouts.

“AH! You don’t know that for certain!” he pointed out.

“I guess Token an I will have to find out for you,” I said.

The rest of the week went by in a dull blur. I could hardly pay attention in a lot of my classes due to a combination of excitement for the party, a certain someone keeping me up at night, and said someone constantly throwing paper balls at the back of my head during class. And every time I brought this up with the teacher, they would ignore it. But at least I had the party to look forward to.

When the weekend finally rolled around, I was super excited. This party was all anyone talked about all week. I learned that Eric was going with Heidi, but I didn’t really care. It’s not like I was going to spend any time with him. I was going to stick with Token and make sure he didn’t overdo it.

Token picked me up when it was time to go, and we headed off to the party, not waiting for Eric. He subtly tried to get me to ask Token to drive him (he probably wanted to arrive in style,) but I “forgot” to bring it up to Token. Besides, Eric could get his own ride.

“You ready to party?” I asked Token eagerly as we pulled up to Jason’s house. The party was already in full swing, and several teens were outside, talking, drinking, and smoking.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Token replied. We got out of the car and made our way into the house.

Dance music was blasting nearly at full volume, and the entire house was full of people. There were some couples grinding against each other, obviously trying to score, while some people were sitting on the couches and chairs, just chatting. I spotted Kevin and Butters dancing with each other in a corner, and I nudged Token.

“Looks like your rumor is confirmed,” I told him, grinning. He looked to where I was pointing, and a smile spread on his face.

“I knew it,” he said in a smug voice, “Jimmy was trying to tell me there was no way they could be dating. But look how close they are!”

“Yeah,” I laughed. I grabbed his arm and tugged him away, “Come on, it’s rude to stare.”

I pulled him towards the kitchen where I knew the drinks were. There were quite a few people in there, and I tried not to be to nervous or shaken when I spotted Bebe and Wendy. After Bebe and I slept together, she rather rudely dumped me in front of a lot of classmates. I mean, I didn’t really want to date her anymore, but she didn’t have to dump me in front of everyone. If anything, I should’ve dumped her for how boring she was in bed! But I didn’t because I’m a gentleman!

Trying to ignore Bebe’s eyes on me, I led Token over to where the wine and beer was set up. We looked through the selection, trying to decide what to drink.

“What are you drinkin’ Token?” I asked him.

“I’m thinking something light,” he replied, “I don’t want to have an incident like the last party.” I chuckled at the memory.

“I want something dry,” I told him, picking something out and pouring myself a drink, “It makes me feel all smart and fosisticated.”

Token gave me a confused look, but before I could ask him about it, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw Jason standing there grinning at me. I tried hard not to sigh, as I already knew what he was going to ask.

“Hey Clyde,” he greeted, “Where’s Craig?”

It was no secret that Jason had grown into kind of a pervert as he got older. He also became bi just to annoy his parents. I didn’t really mind, he could do what he wanted with his sexuality, but I really didn’t like how much he hit on Craig. Even if Tweek was standing right next to him. Jason always made it very clear that he wanted to fuck Craig. And Craig couldn’t stand him.

“Craig didn’t come,” I told Jason rather smugly, “He doesn’t really do parties.”

Jason looked visibly disappointed. He frowned and clicked his tongue. “Shame,” he huffed, “Craig would really liven up this party. Well, he would liven up my party!”

I had to repress the urge to roll my eyes. Just leave Craig alone, you pervert! But I didn’t want to upset the host and get kicked out. Instead I took my drink and followed Token back out into the living room. To my annoyance, Bebe followed.

“Hey, Clyde,” she cooed at me. I did roll my eyes at her.

“What do you want, Bebe?” I growled at her. She gave me an incredulous look.

“Hey, I’m just trying to be nice!” she insisted, “Can’t I just say hi?”

“You’re not exactly my favorite person since you humiliated me,” I pointed out.

Flipping her hair, she scoffed at me. “It’s not my fault I had to break it off with you!” she whined, “After we slept together, I just knew you were going to be super clingy!”

I couldn’t help myself. When she said that, I burst out laughing. “Why would I cling to you?” I exclaimed, “Do you know how incredibly boring you were in bed? I thought you were supposed to ‘rock my world’ or some shit like that! But with you, I could barely get it up.”

Bebe gave me the most surprised and shocked look. Her mouth was hanging open. Before she got the chance to retaliate, I decided to go off and find Token. As I tried to find where Token went, I heard Bebe let out a string of curses and stomp away.

Well, that was one moment of my life I wasn’t going to regret.


	9. Stop Telephoning Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde finishes unpacking and has an unexpected visitor.

When I woke up in my bed the next morning, I had a bit of a headache. Even though I hadn’t drunk that much, but it wasn’t that big of a deal anyway. I couldn’t really remember much of the end of the party, but that always seemed to happen, so it didn’t worry me too much. Since today was Sunday, I didn’t have to worry about school or anything.

I still hadn’t unpacked a lot of my stuff yet, but that’s because I was busy with school work. I would probably unpack later, but right now, I just wanted to get some aspirin and take a shower. Stretching, I got up and grabbed some clothes from my dresser. But when I went to the bathroom, I was annoyed to see that someone was already there.

Before I could contemplate going back to bed or not, the door opened, and I was met with a blast of steam. Heidi then stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel. She was drying her hair with another towel, and when she spotted me, her eyes lit up.

“Oh! Clyde!” she greeted in a slightly flirtatious voice, “Sorry, I didn’t expect you there.”

“Well, I do live here,” I pointed out, trying not to stare too much.

Heidi giggled at me. “I know,” she said, “But I was expecting Eric. Anyway, I left some hot water for you. I don’t take very long showers.”

“Thanks,” I muttered. She brushed past me and headed towards Eric’s room. I was about to go into the bathroom, when Heidi called to me.

“Oh, and Clyde?” I turned to her, wondering what she wanted. My eyes widened in shock and surprise when she suddenly opened the towel that was wrapped around her, exposing every inch of her naked body to me. I stared with my mouth hanging open as she closed the towel again and walked into Eric’s room.

I think my brain melted.

…

After my shower, I quickly went back to my room and texted my friends what happened. I immediately got a flood of texts from them.

Token: Whoa dude, what’s her deal?

Tweek: GAHWHYWOULDSHEDOTHAT?!

Craig: Whore.

I kind of had to agree with Craig on that. She was sort of acting like a whore. I had no idea why she was acting this way towards me, as she had never shown interest in me or anyone else before. Could it be that she was getting tired of Eric? I mean, I wouldn’t blame her, I would’ve thought she would get tired of him years ago, but why now all of a sudden? Maybe… she was attracted to me? I didn’t know how to feel about that.

Perhaps I was thinking too hard about this. Maybe she was bored, I don’t know. I didn’t really want to think about it. I don’t know if I would really be interested in Heidi, even if I ignored the fact that she was already with Eric. Sure, she was hot, but I needed more than that.

I decided to push these thoughts to the back of my head for now and continue unpacking. The first thing I unpacked was a box full of sentimental little trinkets I had gathered with my friends over the years. I decided to place them on the windowsill near my bed so I could easily see them. Some of my favorite mementos included Mac, the stuffed guinea pig Craig got for me when my mom died (because guinea pigs made everything better, according to him), a small framed copy of one of the yaoi artwork the Asian girls had painted of Tweek and Craig, and an antique coin Token had gotten me for Christmas one year.

The rest of the boxes were mostly electronics, posters, and furniture. I hooked up my game systems to my TV so when my friends came over we could do more than just sit around and watch television. I had the latest X Box, the latest PlayStation, a Wii U, and a Nintendo Switch hooked up.

I had already put my clothes away. They were the first thing I unpacked, as I didn’t want to wear the same thing to school every day. I hung up my posters and pictures around the room. I had a picture of my mom, and a picture of our fourth-grade class. The most recent picture was of Token, Craig, Tweek, and me grouped together with our arms around each other. It was probably my favorite picture.

Once I hung up the last picture, I stared up at it, satisfied. Then, I turned to my bed and nearly had a heart attack.

Heidi was laying on my bed in that sexy lady pose. She was wearing a tight crop top and cut off jeans. And she was smiling at me.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?” I demanded, “You nearly gave me a heart attack!” Heidi batted her lashes at me.

“It’s not my fault you were so wrapped up in what you were doing that you didn’t notice me!” she giggled, “Eric is taking a nap, and I was bored, so I came in here to watch you.” I just stared, dumbfounded at her.

“That’s kind of creepy,” I told her. Heidi smiled at me and got up off the bed. She started walking towards me. A little scared, I back away a bit, but I was immediately against a wall.

She started leaning in towards me, but before she could do anything, I quickly slipped sideways away from her and ran from the room. Man, that was too close. I didn’t want Eric’s wrath coming down on me if he found out his girlfriend kissed me.

I didn’t really realize my feet were carrying me out of the house. I guess I just wanted to get out of the house. I pulled out my phone and asked my friends what they were up to before slipping it back into my pocket. I briefly wondered how long I would have to wait before I could go back to my room when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out and saw that I was getting a phone call from Token.

“Hey man, what’s up?” I asked after pushing the answer button.

“What are you doing wandering around on the streets all by your lonesome?” Token’s voice came to me. I could tell he was doing his sexy voice.

I stopped in my tracks. How did he know I was walking down the street by myself? Unless…

I looked to my left and saw Token’s car slowly inching along beside me with the passenger side window rolled down. Token was grinning at me from the driver’s seat. Rolling my eyes and smiling, I hung up and quickly got in the front seat.

“You know, you didn’t have to be creepy by calling me and everything,” I told him as I buckled my seatbelt.

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have been as funny,” he pointed out.

I rolled my eyes again, but decided not to comment on it. “So, where are we going?” I asked. He shrugged at me.

“Eh, I don’t know,” he replied, “Why were you walking around by yourself?”

“I needed to get out of the house,” I explained, “Or more specifically, my room. Heidi snuck into my room while I was rearranging stuff and watched me. Then she started coming on to me, so I just had to leave.”

“Jesus, what is her deal?” Token sighed, “You think maybe she’s getting tired of Cartman?”

“I don’t know. But then again, I don’t know why she didn’t get tired of Eric as soon as she started dating him,” I said.

“Good point,” Token agreed.

“Anyway, I’m just waiting until it’s safe to go back to my house,” I concluded, “So, what do you want to do until then?”

“Well, we could go catch a movie or something,” he suggested, “Or if you’re hungry we could get something to eat.”

It just occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten since I woke up, and now I was freaking starving. “Yeah, that sounds good,” I replied, “I feel like my stomach is trying to eat itself right now. Thanks for offering to pay.”

“When did I-? Never mind,” Token sighed.

We stopped at a fancier-than-average restaurant which was I thought was odd, but I decided not to question it. Usually when we were out with Tweek and Craig we went somewhere cheap, like Taco Bell (gotta get my taco fix!)

“This place is kind of fancy, don’t you think, Token?” I asked when we were taken to our seats. Token looked around.

“Is it?” he wondered, “This is just an average place for me. But, er, we can go somewhere else if you’d rather.”

“No, no, this is fine,” I insisted. When the waitress came, we placed our orders, and turned back to each other. “I finished unpacking and setting up my room,” I told Token, “Finally.”

“That’s good,” Token replied after taking a sip of his soda, “Maybe it’ll make you feel more at home.”

“Maybe,” I muttered. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, and I could tell Token was struggling to come up with something to talk about. Eventually, he cleared his throat to get my attention.

“So, I was going to surprise you with this, but you seem kind of down,” he said. I looked at him, confused. “I know you’re really upset about your birthday being on the same day as your dad’s wedding. So, Craig, Tweek, and I decided we’re going throw you a birthday party the day before the wedding.”

I perked up at this. “Y-You are?” I asked. Token nodded.

“I asked my parents if I could throw you a birthday party that would blatantly overshadow your dad’s wedding, and they agreed,” he told me. I felt my heart swell with joy, and my eyes filled with tears. I held back my tears and quickly moved over to Token’s side of the table and trapped him in a tight hug.

“Th-Thank you,” I murmured, squeezing him, “At least that’s something I can look forward to. At least I know you guys are still there for me.”

Token smiled gently. “Of course, dude,” he said, “The three of us? We always have your back. No matter what.”

I felt myself smiling wildly, refusing to let him go, even when our food came out. For the first time since I found out my dad had been dating, I felt truly happy and hopeful.


	10. Plan One of One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman tries to think of a way to split up his mom and Mr. Donovan. He has to get Heidi to help, because he's not very good at it. Figures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m finally going to have a chapter in Cartman’s point of view. There will be some mentions of sex, since he’s horny, but his plot is finally going to get rolling!

I didn’t want Clyde as my brother. I refused to have anything change my way of life. I hated this new house, and I hated having my room next to Clyde’s. When he had his stupid friends over, I got no privacy! Every time I wanted to bang my girlfriend, I couldn’t do it without hearing them complain about it.

I knew what I had to do.

I had to stop this wedding. It was my only chance to have things return to the way things were supposed to be. No more Clyde. No more thin walls. No more moping around or complaining. My mom could go back to being miserable and lonely. I knew she liked it better that way.

When the next day rolled around, I explained my scenario to my “friends.” I call them my friends, but they were more like my underlings. They weren’t my peers, because that would imply that they were equal to me. Which they weren’t.

“Guys, I’m going to put a stop to this wedding if it’s the last thing I do,” I announced at the bus stop. Stan looked over at me.

“Why?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.

“Because this whole situation is stupid!” I replied, throwing up my hands, “It’s like my mom didn’t even think of me when she agreed to marry that bum!”

“Okay, first of all, Mr. Donovan is not a bum,” Kyle pointed out in that snide tone I hate so much, “He has a job and everything. Second, you should be happy for your mom. She finally found someone she can be happy with and isn’t just a one-night stand.”

I scoffed at his ignorance, “Kyle, my silly Jew, my mom is not happy,” I informed him, “She only thinks she’s happy. But I know her. She would much rather be with a bunch of guys instead of one guy. Marriage will just ruin hers and my life.”

“Are you sure it’s not just because you’re upset that she doesn’t pay nearly as much attention to you as she used to?” Kenny wondered. Smartass. I glared at him.

“No, Kinny, I’m not upset about getting less attention!” I snarled at him, “I just know my mom, all right? Trust me, she would want me to do this.”

“Whatever,” Stan muttered. We were all silent for a moment before he looked around. “Hey, where’s Clyde?”

“How the fuck should I know?” I hissed.

“Because you live with him,” Kyle pointed out. I huffed.

“I don’t know, Token gave him a ride or something,” I said, “Not that I care what Clyde is doing. I don’t even like him.”

“Yes, you’ve informed us of this several times,” Stan sighed. He sounded annoyed for some reason. I wonder why.

…

I went through my day at school as I usually do: being awesome and loved by all. I know a lot of girls were disappointed that I was still with Heidi. Yeah, Heidi is my babe. My hot, hot babe. And even though she is hot as fuck, and even hotter in bed, I think my favorite thing about her is how loyal she is. I think her loyalty really shined through every time she would sneak out of class, so we could make out in the janitor’s closet. That’s where we were most of the day, in fact. We skipped like, two periods to make out. It was worth it.

At lunch, I sat with my loser friends as usual. I had Heidi on my left and Kenny on my right. Stan and Kyle sat across from us. I was a little annoyed that Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were talking to each other about something stupid and weren’t paying attention to me and my needs. I had a crisis going on! They should have one hundred percent of their focus on me!

“Oh my God, guys!” I snapped, finally, “Shut up and pay attention to me!”

The three of them looked at me in bewilderment. “Why?” Kenny asked.

“Because my thing is more important than whatever bullshit you guys were talking about!” I growled at him, “I can’t think of how I’m going to get my mom to break up with Clyde’s dad!”

“Oh. I don’t care,” Kyle said.

“Yeah, neither do I,” Stan admitted.

“Couldn’t care less, over here,” Kenny added.

I glared at my so-called friends. “You guys are the worst,” I hissed at them. Kyle sneered at me in that smug way I hate so much.

“Well, what do you want us to do about it?” he asked.

“I just told you what I want you to do about it!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air in anger, “Help me think of a way to split up my mom and Mr. Donovan!”

“Did you try being obnoxious?” Kenny suggested, “You’re pretty good at that.”

I glared at him, then turned to Heidi. “Babe, help me out here!” I suddenly noticed that she wasn’t paying attention at all to me and was staring off at another table. I tried to see what she was staring at, but it was hard to pinpoint it.

“What are you staring at, babe?” I asked her, nudging her. She was startled out of her daze and sat up straight.

“What!? Nothing!” she exclaimed. She seemed flustered. I wonder why?

…

Later that evening after school, all thoughts of making my mom single again were wiped from my mind as I found myself balls deep in my girlfriend. She moaned and writhed underneath me in pleasure. I pounded into her, enjoying how loud she is. Heidi always likes being loud during sex. I’m pretty loud too, but not nearly as loud as her.

When I was finally done fucking her, I rolled off of her. We laid beside each other, panting. “Damn, baby, you’re getting better,” I panted, “My heart is still racing.”

Heidi giggled. “I aim to please, baby,” she cooed.

I folded my hands behind my head in content. Now if I could only get rid of the Donovans, my life would be perfect. What could I do?

“What are you thinking about, darling?” Heidi asked me. I shuddered as she reached down and started fondling my dick. What a woman!

“I was just thinking about how to get Clyde and his dad out of my life,” I told her, “I need to break up this wedding, but I don’t know how.”

Heidi rolled onto her side, still pumping my dick in her soft hand. “I might have an idea,” she said, “Right now, your mom and his dad only see all sun shines and rainbows with each other, right?”

“Yeah,” I replied slowly. I wasn’t quite sure where she was going with this.

“So, all you need to do is make them see the worst sides of each other,” Heidi continued in a sexy voice, “Make them see how horrible they are for each other.”

I was having a hard time thinking at that moment, seeing how Heidi’s hand was still sensually squeezing my cock. What was she talking about?  
“What do you mean?” I wondered. She rolled her eyes.

“I mean, make them hate each other!” she sighed, “Get them to fight! Pit them against each other! Make it so they have to pick a side against each other! Trust me, fighting couples never stay together for very long.”

“Ooh!” I gasped, both from her genius, and the hand job. I could feel an orgasm getting close. “Oh, darling! You’re brilliant! Ah!” And suddenly, I was cumming all over her hand. She grinned at me.

“I have my moments,” she purred at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, but I do not like writing Cartman. Nonetheless, I felt I needed to put a chapter for him sometime so I can have his plot line going. I also wanted to show how delusional he is. Hopefully next chapter will be a lot longer.


	11. No, You Did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cartman tries to get Clyde to join in on his insane plan, but Clyde is having none of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry this and my other stories have taken so long to update. I’ve been really feeling my depression lately, and it’s hard for me to get motivated to write when I’m like this. I start to feel like all my work is crap when I get like that. I’ll try to have chapters up sooner.)
> 
> Back to Clyde! Yay! I’m not exactly sure what’s going to happen in this chapter, though I have a few ideas. Let’s see how far I can stretch that.

It took me a moment to remember that I had spent the night with Token again when I woke up. I had spending a lot of time with him recently, though I didn’t mind. He helped me feel better about my crummy situation, and I wished there was a way I could repay him. This was the second night in a row I had spent at his house, and I was starting to feel like a free loader.

Token was already awake and stretching when I opened my eyes. He usually slept without a shirt on, and I could see how well toned he was, even from behind. I couldn’t help but stare as his back muscles flexed and stretched. I had to roll over to avoid being a creep.

“Like what you see?” Token suddenly asked, startling me. I quickly scrambled to sit up and look at him. He was staring at me over his shoulder with this smug look on his face. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Show off,” I sneered at him, “Just because you’re the most muscular out of all of us, you son of a bitch!” Token grinned at me and let out a hearty laugh.

“Jealous?” he wondered, and again I rolled my eyes. Snickering, he dropped his sweat pants, exposing his boxers. I groaned at him and laid back down. I didn’t open my eyes again until I knew he was dressed.

“You want to take a shower or anything?” Token asked me when I rolled back over, “I could pick you out some clothes.”

“Nah, I’ll just use what I’m wearing,” I replied, “But I’ll take you up on that shower.”

Token let out a small huff of laughter. “Ok, I’ll get us some towels,” he said.

“Whoa! Whoa!” I exclaimed, making him stop, “You’re not going to shower with me, you pervert!” Token stared at me with wide eyes.

“Yeah, I know,” he muttered, walking off.

I stared after him, trying to figure out if he had been serious or not. After deciding he had just been joking, I went off to the shower. Because the Blacks are rich, they could afford more than one shower, and they were much nicer than the one at my house. The one Token let me use was a walk-in shower, which I always preferred.

While I washed myself, I let my mind wander as I usually did when I showered. In my opinion it was the best time to think as there wasn’t much to concentrate on. I sighed a little as the perfect temperature water poured over me. I couldn’t help but think about the party my friends were going to be throwing me. Token had refused to give me any details on it, but I didn’t mind. The entire party was supposed to be a surprise and Token had ruined it a little by telling me about it. But I knew whatever it was my friends had planned I would be happy.

After I was finished, I stepped out of the shower, dried myself, and put my clothes back on. When I walked out of the bathroom, I found Token waiting for me in his room.

“Ready to go to school?” he asked me.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I replied, following him out the door.

Token drove us to school. When we arrived, I was very confused to find Eric waiting by the front door for me. And he was grinning. I was scared.

“Clyde! There you are! I was waiting for you!” he exclaimed. He walked towards me with his arms out, and I had to fight the urge to run away screaming.

“Token, I’m frightened,” I whispered to my friend, “He’s never smiled at me like that before.” Token put a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m scared for you,” he said.

We didn’t say anything more as Eric reached us and slung an arm around my shoulder. “Clyde, my friend, I have the answer to all our problems!” he announced.

“You’re going to find a way to get tacos reclassified as a diet food?” I asked excitedly. He gave me a confused look.

“Wha-? No!” he shouted, “I meant the problem with our parents and how they want to get married!”

“Oh,” I replied, just a bit disappointed, “What’s the answer to our problem?”

“We have to break them up,” Eric told me. He started leading me down the hall, leaving Token behind. “And the best way to get a couple to break up is to get them to fight.”

I stared at him in slight confusion. “What do you mean?” I asked. He sighed at me. I hated that sigh.

“We have to get my mom and your dad to fight!” he growled at me, “Get them to argue about everything! They think they’re so in love, but once my mom sees how horrible your dad is, they’ll break up for sure!”

I stopped right in my tracks. “Whoa, wait a minute,” I said, “Why is it my dad that’s the horrible one? Your mom is the one who’s a total slut! Maybe it would be easier to just get her to cheat with someone.” As angry as I was with my dad, I wasn’t going to stand around and let him get trash-talked.

Especially by Eric Cartman!

By this time Token had caught back up to us. He opened his mouth to speak, but Eric was glaring at me.

“Uh, your dad is terrible!” he hissed at me, “Especially compared to my mom, who’s totally awesome and pampers me all the time!”

“Which explains why you’re such a spoiled brat,” I muttered under my breath. Louder, I said, “I’m not going to help you make my dad look bad. If you humiliate him, he might never find anyone else to be with.”

“I thought you wanted your dad to be alone,” Eric sneered at me.

“I don’t want him to be alone,” I countered, “I just don’t want him to be with your whore of a mom!” With that, I strode past him, ignoring his cries of anger, while Token quickly hurried after me. It was a moment before either of us spoke.

“Are you all right, dude?” Token asked me. I took a deep breath before I replied.

“I think so,” I told him, “I’m just a little peeved. Of course he would have no trouble wanting to make my dad look bad and not his mom. I may be mad at my dad, but I don’t hate him. I want him to be happy. Just not with Eric’s mom.”

Token nodded. “Yeah, I get that,” he said, “But it’s no use worrying about it now. Come on. Class is about to start. Let’s find Tweek and Craig.”

I let Token take the lead to where their lockers were. Those two were lucky in that they had lockers right next to each other. So, even if they didn’t have a certain class together, they could still see each other between classes. I envied them.

I had a locker next to Kevin Stoley, and let me tell you, that kid did not get any less nerdy over the years. (I would say I don’t know what Butters sees in him, but I guess Butters is a bit of a dork as well.) Anyway, because Kevin’s locker is next to mine, he thinks that means he has to talk to me every time we’re getting our books. I don’t mind Kevin in small doses, but boy can that kid talk! (And talk and talk and talk….) It’s always Star Trek this, and Star Wars that. He made me dread going to my locker.

We found Craig and Tweek at their lockers, where Craig was hugging Tweek to his chest and murmuring something to him. It made me wonder if something had happened. Token and I walked up to them as Tweek reached up and gave Craig a kiss on the cheek.

I wish I could give Craig a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey guys,” I greeted them, “What’s wrong with Tweek?”

“Nothing,” Craig answered, ruffling Tweek’s hair, “He just had a rough morning.”

“GNN! My parents were bugging me about my art classes,” Tweek told us, “They think they’re a waste of time because they have nothing to do with their precious coffee business.”

“That’s ridiculous!” I exclaimed, “Your art is really good!”

“Yeah, your parents need to get over themselves,” Token added.

Tweek loved doing abstract art. The three of us all thought he was brilliant at it, and I kept trying to commission him to paint something for me. He was always too nervous and embarrassed to do it, though.

“I was just telling him that,” Craig said, kissing the top of Tweek’s head, “He doesn’t think he’s good enough and his parents are trying to convince him to drop the art classes.”

“Don’t do that!” I exclaimed quickly, “You shouldn’t let them tell you what to do, especially when it comes to something you love!”

Tweek smiled warmly at me. “Thanks Clyde,” he murmured, “You guys are right. I love my art. I don’t care if my parents think it’s a waste of time.”

“I am right,” I declared, “Now let’s go to class!”

The rest of school was pretty standard. I avoided Eric like the plague, and there were already talks of another party that was being thrown soon, this time by one of the girls. I think it was Red who was throwing it.

“Hey Craig, is it true that Red is your cousin?” Butters asked at lunch. Craig gave him a baffled look.

“What? No!” Craig exclaimed, “What on Earth would make you think that?”

“Well, she and your dad both have red hair,” Stan pointed out.

Craig rolled his eyes, and I couldn’t blame him. He had told me once how annoying it was that people kept saying that. “Yeah, so?” he asked, “Does that mean every person with red hair is related? Besides, it’s not even the same shade of red! She’s more likely to be related to Kenny’s mom than my dad!”

“Also, I’m almost certain Red’s hair is dyed,” I added.

“Yeah, that too,” Craig agreed.

“Huh, never thought about it like that,” Butters muttered, “Imma gonna have to go tell Kevin. He thought Kyle was related to you too.”

“God, I hope not,” Kyle gasped, but I could sense the humor in his voice.

“Hey, you would be lucky to be related to me, asshole!” Craig teased.

I always enjoyed having a good laugh with the others. It helped distract me from all the shit going on in my life. While we were all laughing and joking we even got official confirmation that Butters and Kevin were indeed an item. Tweek and Craig immediately declared gay war on them. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

The rest of school after that was rather boring. At the end of the day, my dad came to pick up Eric and me. I guess he was getting tired of me avoiding him so much. Maybe I was being a bit difficult with him, but he still hadn’t apologized for putting the date of his wedding on my birthday. He just didn’t address it, as if I would just forget about it. As if it wasn’t an issue. As if he wasn’t the one being selfish.

I got into the front seat with a short greeting to my dad and Eric climbed into the back seat. As we took off towards our house, my dad smiled at me, trying to get me to smile with him.

“So, how was school today, boys?” he asked us.

“Fine,” I stated shortly.

“Lame,” Eric muttered. I was pretty sure he was still mad at me for refusing to help him.

“That’s great.” Awesome. He wasn’t even really listening to us. “So, Liane and I have decided to make reservations at a very fancy restaurant tonight and you boys are coming with us. Sort of a new family get together!”

“Can I bring Heidi?” Eric wondered eagerly.

“Sure!” my dad replied happily, “The more the merrier! Clyde, why don’t you bring your girlfriend?” I sighed angrily.

“I don’t have a girlfriend, dad,” I muttered.

“Really?” he asked, “What about that blonde girl, Booboo?”

“You mean Bebe?”

“Yeah, her.”

I rolled my eyes. “We broke up a year ago,” I told him, “She has not been over once since then!” Did he seriously not notice that?

“Sucks to be you,” Eric sneered at me. I wanted to punch him.

We didn’t stay long at home, we just picked up Liane then went and got Heidi before heading to the restaurant. I had to sit in the back seat with Eric and Heidi who were making goo goo faces at each other the entire time. I was trying hard not to gag.

The restaurant we went to was some sort of French restaurant that had recently opened. It was very fancy, very tacky, and very expensive. Honestly, I didn’t think it was going to last very long in a town like South Park. We weren’t a poor town, but I think the medium income per household was lower than the national average. And we already had a relatively fancy restaurant we could go to if we needed to go somewhere nicer, why did we need two? The only family who would be able to eat here on a regular basis was Token’s family.

Not only that, when we sat down and got out menus, I had trouble finding anything on the menu that didn’t sound completely repugnant. I know in France this stuff might be edible, but here in America we don’t generally look at slimy frogs and think “huh, I bet their legs would taste delicious if they were fried! And you know what would make a great side with that? Icky, gooey snails!”

It also didn’t help that through the entire dinner, Heidi, who was sitting next to me, was gently rubbing my knee under the table the whole time. It made me rather nervous and I had a hard time concentrating on what anything on the menu was.

Eventually I settled on some sort of cheese dish. I’m not exactly sure what it was because the description in the menu was incredibly unhelpful. I suppose it was good enough, a bit rich for me. But it wasn’t really anything I would go out of my way to have again. The whole restaurant was somewhere I would probably not go out of my way to go again.

While we were eating, I decided to own up to my past mistake and apologize to Liane for calling her a whore. She smiled sweetly.

“Oh, that’s all right, dear,” she said, “I know you were just upset at the time and didn’t really mean it.” I did mean it, but I wasn’t going to say so aloud. I was sort of hoping that my apology would spark my dad into apologizing to me.

But of course, it just went straight over the clueless idiot’s head.

Also, I could feel Eric’s glare on me. I think he was probably mad that I made nice with his mom, but I didn’t really care. I didn’t want to look like the bad guy.

I was very glad when we got back home, and I could finally text my friends about my day. As I predicted, Tweek immediately started freaking out when I told them about the snails and frog legs. After that Craig replied saying that he knew where not to take Tweek on a date. Especially after I told him how pricey it was.

I stayed up late texting my friends before taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and heading to bed. I was out almost instantly, which was good because I didn’t want to listen to Eric and Heidi fucking all night.

When I woke up, it was still dark, and I was very confused. Why was I awake? And who the hell was rubbing my chest? Groaning, and reached blindly for my lamp and clicked it on. I was startled when I saw Heidi laying next to me, smiling seductively.

“Hey, Clyde,” she cooed at me.

“Heidi?” I hissed quietly, “What are you doing in my room?”

Grinning, she reached over, cupping my face. Before I could stop her, she leaned over and kissed me deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh! Cliff hanger! Now you guys can finally start hating Heidi if you haven’t already!
> 
> Sorry about the little rant in the middle that I had Craig go off on. I never liked or understood the head cannon of Red being his cousin. It makes no sense and it always annoys me when writers just casually put that in their stories for no reason.
> 
> Also, Tweek being a painter is relevant to the story. I have something rather sweet planned for that. Anyway, I’ll try to get the next chapter out sooner.


	12. If I Say Yes, Can I Leave?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde starts to realize that Heidi might have a thing for him. As if it wasn't obvious.

I couldn’t even react as Heidi slowly climbed on top of me, kissing me deeper and deeper. My brain had completely malfunctioned and not a thought was coming in or out. The only thing that was registering at all was how soft and subtle Heidi’s lips were. I heard her moan before forcing her tongue into my mouth.

“Mmm…! Mmm…! Oh Clyde! You taste amazing!” she sighed into my mouth.

Finally, my brain caught up with what was happening, and I shoved her away from me before sitting up and glaring at her. She smiled back at me.

“What was that?” I demanded.

“What do you mean?” she wondered, “I was just kissing you!”

“I know that,” I sighed, rolling my eyes, “I meant why?” She giggled in a cutesy way.

“Because you’re handsome,” she replied, “And I like you.”

I felt my body freeze up. “But… you’re dating Eric,” I pointed out. She sighed.

“Yes, and I’m beginning to get rather bored of him,” she admitted, “I mean, I guess he’s ok, but I was hoping something would change over the years and it hasn’t. And the sex is starting to get stale as well.”

I swallowed hard. She wasn’t suggesting she wanted to have sex with me… was she? I mean, I wasn’t an idiot (for the most part.) I knew she had been coming onto me. But I didn’t realize she was actually that into me. I just assumed she hit on every guy.

Before I could say anything, Heidi leaned down and kissed me again. She worked her lips against mine, really getting into it. I had no idea how to react. She had completely laid down on top of me, moving her body on mine, and rubbing her barely concealed breasts against me. I felt her fingers run through my hair, and I shivered slightly. My breath was starting to wane and coming in and out more forcefully. For the life of me, I couldn’t tell if I was enjoying this or not.

Just when I thought I was going to pass out from lack of air, Heidi removed her lips from mine and leaned down to start kissing my neck. I gasped at how amazing it felt. Her mouth was like heaven, so I tilted my head back to allow her more access, which she gratefully accepted.

“Oh! Oh Clyde!” she whispered sensually as she kissed all over my neck and throat.

While she was kissing me, my mouth tried to voice my thoughts, but I couldn’t quite get them out. Not coherently, at least. I was just gasping and moaning involuntarily.

“H-Heidi,” I breathed when I could speak, “We-We really shouldn’t be-be doing this!”

Pausing in her kissing, Heidi leaned up and smiled at me. “Don’t worry,” she told me in a smooth voice, “I slipped some sleeping pills in Eric’s drink at dinner. He won’t be waking up any time soon.”

Before I could voice any doubts or objections, she kissed me on the mouth, slipping her tongue right in. My brain shut down and I finally decided to just go with it and started kissing her back. She seemed excited by this and kissed me deeper, her tongue roaming around my mouth. I had to admit, she was an amazing kisser. Much better than Bebe, at least.

When she was finally done kissing me, she collapsed next to me on the bed, breathing hard. “Wow, Clyde,” she panted, “You’re a really good kisser. I don’t know how any girl could resist you.”

I felt myself blushing at her words. “Well, I’m not as good as you,” I commented.

“Nonsense!” she scoffed. She snuggled up to me and wrapped her arms around my middle. Then she leaned close to me. “It’s going to be absolutely amazing when you’re finally inside of me,” she whispered.

I didn’t sleep again that night.

…

When the sun rose the next morning, I was dead tired and eternally grateful that it was a weekend. Heidi was gone when I opened my eyes, but I suspected she didn’t want to get caught by Eric. But because she was gone, that allowed me to roll over and go back to sleep until noon.

When I finally did wake up I was met with a Tweek in my face. Startled, I nearly fell off my bed, then I would’ve been stuck between my bed and the wall. I sat up and saw that Craig was here as well and Tweek was smiling at me.

“Hey lazy, wake up!” Craig ordered, “It’s past noon! You’re wasting the day away!”

I sighed and rolled over onto my back. “Sorry,” I said, “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Heidi came into my room and woke me up.”

“GAH! Why would she do that?” Tweek asked nervously.

I hesitated as I was not really sure I wanted my friends to know about what Heidi said. Not that I wanted to keep it a secret, but I was still processing it myself. But I guess I could get their opinions on it.

“Um, she woke me up and started kissing me,” I explained. Both Tweek and Craig’s eyes widened at my words, but they stayed quiet. “Er, then she said she liked me and that she was getting bored of Eric. Then she made out with me some more.”

Craig frowned slightly at my words. “I would be careful with her, Clyde,” he suggested, “I don’t trust her. Sure, she might have been a nice girl when we were younger, but she’s been dating Eric Cartman for nearly eight years now. Who knows how much he’s changed her.”

I felt my cheeks heat up with shame. I didn’t want to admit that I kind of liked that Heidi was into me. It’s rather hard for me to get over my crush on my best friend when there’s nothing to distract me from it.

Tweek seemed to read my expression or something, because he put a hand on my shoulder. “Just be careful with her, all right Clyde?” he said seriously, “Don’t get in too deep with her.”

“You don’t have to worry about me,” I assured him, “I can take care of myself.”

My two friends looked at each other as if they had doubts, but they didn’t say anything. After that I ushered them out of my room, so I could get dressed.

My friends and I went shopping that afternoon. The three of them kept pointing at things and asking me my thoughts on them. Token was the least subtle by picking things up and asking, “Do you like this, Clyde?” I’m pretty sure they were trying to decide what to get me for my birthday. Even if they were pretty obvious with their motives, I appreciated the effort.

We split up at some point. Token and Tweek went to one of the clothing stores, while Craig dragged me along to a different store. I wondered where we were going when we suddenly stopped in front of an arts and crafts store. Confused, I looked at Craig.

“Um, are you getting something for Tweek here?” I wondered. Craig stared at the ground for a moment.

“Can I confess something to you?” he said, “I’m here for me.”

That’s new. I never knew Craig as an artsy kind of guy, and he gave up making model rockets and robots a long time ago. Was he starting that up again?

“So, what are we getting?” I asked as we stepped into the store.

“Er, so you know how Tweek’s a great abstract artist?” he said, “Well, I wanted to be able to, I don’t know, compliment him on it or something. So, I’ve started taking night art classes at the community center.”

“The community center has night classes?” I goggled, “And you’re taking art classes? Since when?”

“Since two weeks ago,” Craig replied, “I didn’t want to tell anyone because I want it to be a surprise to Tweek. He keeps telling me I should get more hobbies, since apparently I just laze around a lot.”

I had to agree with Tweek there. Craig did nothing with his free time. “Wait, why are you suddenly telling me?” I questioned. As Craig picked out different graphite pencils, his gaze fell to the floor.

“Um, well I have a favor to ask of you regarding my next assignment,” he told me, “I’m supposed to draw someone I know in graphite.”

“That’s not so bad!” I said quickly, “Why, I’d be happy to-“

“Clyde,” he cut me off, “It’s a nude drawing.”

“Oh.” And then what he said actually hit me. “Oh!”

We stood there awkwardly for a few moments. On one hand, of course I wanted to help Craig. It was incredibly sweet that he wanted to do something special for Tweek. On the other hand, I was in love with him, and I would be standing naked in front of him. I think my boner would be rather obvious at that point.

Eventually, though, I made up my mind. “Ok. I’ll do it.” Craig looked at me.

“Are you sure?” he asked, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” I said, “I want to help you. And it’s not like I haven’t been naked around you before.” It happened all the time after gym class when all the guys showered together. (Except for Tweek who hid in one of the bathroom stalls.)

And while the others speculated whether or not the girls shared one big shower and got naked together (and then got subsequent boners from that), I was admiring my friend’s body and getting a boner from that.

“Thanks,” Craig said, “I don’t have class tonight, so could you come over to my house later to work on it? I would go over to your place, but Cartman is there.”

“That’s understandable,” I replied, nodding, “But what about Tweek?”

“What about Tweek?” he wondered.

“Won’t Tweek be there?” Craig let out a sigh.

“You do know that Tweek and I don’t spend every single night together, right?” he asked me. Actually, I did not know that. As far as I knew, the two of them spent every moment they could with each other. Boy, was I wrong.

I followed Craig home from the mall. I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad as I glanced at my old house. I used to love that Craig and I lived next to each other. When we were young kids we used to try to throw things to each other from our windows, as we also had the luxury of having our bedroom windows face each other.

When I hit puberty and I realized I had a thing for my best friend, I would sit I my window and stare over at his room, hoping to catch a glimpse of him undressing or something. I know. I was kind of a perverted kid.

Craig immediately took me up to his room, carrying the supplies he had bought. He walked over to his closet as I sat down on his bed and he started pulling out other art supplies, like a large easel, and very large drawing pad. Then he walked over to lock his door and I gave him a questioning look.

“I don’t want my sister coming in while I’m working,” he explained, “Knowing Tricia, she’ll just barge right in here, see your dick, and grow another crush on you. And we really don’t need that.”

“Tricia had a crush on me?”

After he had set up his easel and drawing pad, Craig had me take my clothes off. Needless to say, I was incredibly embarrassed as I did so. He was watching me the entire time. Just staring at me as I undid my jacket, then slipped my shirt off over my head. I really wished he had looked away when I pulled down my pants and underwear. Did he really have to stare at me the whole time?

When I was done shedding my clothes, Craig had me stand in front of his bed, so he could start drawing me. It was rather drafty in his room, and goosebumps were rising all over my skin. I shivered slightly, and at five minutes in, I just had to ask.

“Um, Craig? Are you almost finished?” I wondered. Craig poked his head out from behind the easel and blinked at me.

“Uh, I haven’t even started yet,” he confessed, “I have a circle for your head, and that’s it.” Suddenly, my legs felt a lot more tired than they actually were.

The next several hours were going to be torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add more to this, but I decided I’m going to save that for the next chapter. Sorry for taking so long to update. Life sucks sometimes. Plus, I’m working now, so I won’t get to type as often, but I’ll try as hard as I can to keep more consistent updates. Anyway, be sure to like, comment, and subscribe! Wait…


	13. Well, This is Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde is still modeling for Craig. Afterwards, Clyde gets an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of this chapter is basically the stuff I was going to include in the last chapter but decided to put in this chapter instead. So, you know, Clyde is still naked. Anyway, let’s see what happens.

“So, was I really your first choice when you were trying to pick someone to draw?” I asked Craig, feeling a little bit of pride. I was his best friend, after all, it would be natural for him to think of me first.

His response, though, crushed my ego a bit.

“No,” he said, “Actually, I was going to ask Token first, but he’s black so I would have to do a lot more drawing than I wanted to. Also, I didn’t want to listen to him brag about his undeniably perfect body. So, I asked you instead.”

Ouch.

I decided to change topics. I had to keep talking, to focus on something other than the fact that I was standing naked in front of my best friend whom I happened to be in love with. For some reason, Craig didn’t seem nearly as uncomfortable as I was. I know he’s gay and all, but surly he couldn’t be that ok with staring at my dick?

“Clyde, stop moving,” Craig suddenly growled at me, “You have to stare straight ahead and stop swaying!” I hadn’t even realized I was moving my head as I thought, or that I had been swaying in place. I was getting rather tired of standing.

“Sorry,” I muttered. Craig gave me a little shrug before returning to his drawing. I shifted on my leg a little to try to keep it from falling asleep. “So, um, are you going to show this to Tweek at all?”

“Oh hell no!” Craig responded, “I’m not showing a nude picture of my best friend to my boyfriend! Are you crazy?”

Thank God. I was worried there for a minute that Tweek would see it and get mad at me or something. And if there’s something I don’t need it’s the wrath of an angry little blond.

Finally, after an hour or so, but may or may not have been only half an hour, Craig announced he was finished, and I couldn’t have been more relieved. The only thing keeping my dick down was thinking about how cold it was and how sore my legs were. I collapsed onto Craig’s bed with a grateful sigh.

“Hey, before you pass out, at least put your clothes back on,” Craig ordered me.

“Don’t wanna,” I muttered. I let out a yelp of surprise when my friend suddenly slapped my exposed chest. I quickly curled off his bed and gathered my clothes. I tried to ignore Craig staring at me as I put them back on.

“Happy now?” I asked, presenting myself with my arms spread out. He grinned at me.

“Yup,” he replied. He looked over his drawing, then back at me. “You wanna see it?”

I hesitated. Did I want to see a nude drawing of myself? “Um, I’ll pass for now,” I answered, “There’s something about seeing a nude drawing of yourself drawn by your best friend that scars a man.”

Craig shrugged in response. “Whatever you say,” he said. As he started putting his stuff away, he looked over at me. “Are you staying the night?” he wondered.

I gave him my best puppy dog eyes. “Please?” I requested. He chuckled then reached into his closet and chucked a pillow at me. It hit me in the face with an audible smack.

“Ow,” I whined, “You throw too hard.”

“Maybe you’re just a wimp,” he countered. I didn’t feel like arguing at the moment, as he was probably right. I may have gotten in shape over the years, but I bruise easily.

We headed down to dinner when Mrs. Tucker called up to us. Tricia wouldn’t stop talking to me the whole time. She kept asking me intricate and revealing questions about my life until Craig told her to shut up. Then she flipped Craig off, and Craig flipped her off, and then the whole family flipped each other off while I watched silent and confused.

Afterwards, Craig and I got ready for bed. We brushed our teeth and washed our faces before we both climbed under Craig’s blanket. I had trouble falling asleep, but Craig fell asleep almost instantly. And as soon as he did, he snuggled up to me, and I couldn’t help but smile. I wrapped my arms around my friend and was finally able to fall asleep.

…

Another dull week went by and Eric was doing all sorts of things to try to get my dad and Liane mad at each other. He kept breaking things around the house, he threw temper tantrums for no reason, he clogged the toilet, but nothing was working. The two always faced these things with smiles and understanding. If this was Eric’s whole plan, it wasn’t very good.

It was almost the end of February, which meant it was only about a month away from my birthday and the wedding. And Red’s party was taking place on the last day of the month which was at the end of the week. And I was determined to get Tweek and Craig to go to this one.

“Why do you want us to go to this party so badly, Clyde?” Craig asked me at lunch after the fifth time I had asked him.

“Because, man! The end of school is quickly coming! There aren’t going to be a lot of parties left for us to go to!” I pointed out desperately, “The four of us need to rock at least one party together before summer comes!”

Next to Craig, Tweek twitched in his seat. “I-I don’t know, man,” he muttered, “You know how parties get to me. Nng! They make me so anxious!”

“Then make sure Craig is by your side the whole time!” I argued, “Please guys? For me?” I gave them both my saddest look.

Craig and Tweek looked at each other before Craig sighed. “Fine,” he replied.

My face instantly burst into a grin. “Thanks guys!” I said happily.

Beside me, Token chuckled. “Wow, you actually managed to get them to go,” he mused, “I’m impressed.”

“Don’t underestimate my sad face,” I told him with a grin.

The rest of the day was dull. Token, Craig, and Tweek came over to my house after school. We walked past my dad who was on the phone with someone about the wedding and he didn’t even wave to me in greeting. We walked straight up to my room.

“Wow, Clyde!” Token gasped when we entered, “You did a nice job decorating this place!” I had forgotten that my friends hadn’t seen my room yet.

“Nng! You have so many pictures of us on your wall!” Tweek noted. I smiled at him.

“Well, you guys are the most important people in my life,” I said.

“Cheese,” Craig taunted.

I stuck my tongue out at him in response. The rest of the day was spent playing video games in my room. We ignored my dad’s call for dinner, mostly because I just didn’t want to deal with him, or Eric’s pathetic attempts to split our parents up.

My friends went home rather late. I wasn’t tired yet when they left, so I decided to take a shower. Get it done before tomorrow. Our shower wasn’t nearly as nice as Token’s shower, but then again, no shower was.

While I was showering, I heard someone come in. I didn’t care who it was, as I assumed it was my dad or someone needing to use the toilet, so I didn’t question it. I didn’t even notice, as I rinsed myself off, that they seemed to be taking their time. I was rather surprised and startled, though, when the curtain was suddenly pulled back and Heidi stood there, completely naked.

“Ah! Heidi! What are you doing?” I exclaimed in horror. I grabbed the curtains and tried to cover myself. I know she had said she was attracted to me, but this was going a little far!

Heidi giggled at my reaction. “I was hoping it was you in here,” she said in a flirty voice, “Imagine how embarrassing it would be if you were your dad!”

She hadn’t answered my question. “What are you doing?” I repeated, “Why are you in here? Shouldn’t you be with Eric?”

The girl huffed. “Eric is with his friends,” she replied, “They’re having an all night gaming session. So I thought this would be the perfect time to get a little closer, if you know what I mean.”

Before I could object, Heidi stepped into the shower with me and closed the curtain. Suddenly I was feeling very claustrophobic. She was pressed right up against me and before I knew she was kissing me all over. Kissing my mouth, along my jaw, my neck, my chest. She was getting more and more excited by the second as she kissed me and ran her hands all around my body.

“Oh Clyde!” she sighed, “I want you! I want you so badly!” Even though the water was still warm, I felt myself shiver.

“H-Heidi,” I stuttered, “Please think about this! Shouldn’t you talk to Eric before you do anything you regret? Before you start cheating?”

She smiled at me and pressed closer. “Oh, I’ve already thought about it,” she cooed in a sexy voice, “I know what I want, Clyde. And what I want is you. I’ll break up with Eric if you get with me.”

I hesitated, remembering what Tweek and Craig had said before. How they didn’t trust her. How I should be careful around her. She was still with Eric, and that guy had one mean streak on him.

But then again, very few girls had ever been into me. They always rejected me and snickered at me. Maybe… just maybe… I should just take a chance?

I finally threw caution to the wind, leaning in and kissing Heidi back. Excitedly, she threw her arms around me, and we started making out like crazy. I ran my hands down her naked body, as she did the same to me.

After a while of making out, Heidi pulled back a bit. “I’m ready,” she hissed breathlessly, “I want you to make love to me. Right here in this shower. Fuck me like there’s no tomorrow.”

I stared at her, lust filling my mind and clouding my judgement. I nodded in agreement. She grinned at me as I ran my hands down her body and to her legs. She suddenly jumped a little and wrapped her legs around me, forcing me to hold her up. I gently pinned her against the shower wall.

“You ready for this?” I asked in a breathy voice.

She licked her lips and nodded. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this,” she replied.

Carefully, I slid my hard dick in between her legs into her pussy. Instantly, she tipped back her head and let out a soft moan of pleasure.

“Oh Clyde!” she breathed, “You feel amazing! Please! Go on! I want to feel more of you!” I nodded, happy to comply.

I began rolling my hips, thrusting in and out as Heidi moaned with pleasure. I could feel her fingers digging into my back. Panting slightly, I leaned down to start kissing at her breasts, which she thrust out so I could reach them better. She purred as I ran my tongue over the top of her chest and increased the pace of my thrusting.

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh Clyde! This is wonderful!” Heidi panted as she tightened her grip on me, “You’re so much better at this than Eric! Ah! He’s always just fast and hard! You really know how to pleasure a woman!”

I grinned at her as I kept a steady pace. “I try my best,” I told her. I wasn’t about to admit that I’d only had sex twice before this. She didn’t need to know that.

Heidi tipped her head back and moaned loudly. “Clyde! Go faster!” she ordered, “I’m getting close! I can feel it!”

Obeying, I started thrusting harder and faster, desperate to reach my orgasm. I could feel it approaching fast. When it hit I was crying out with passion and pleasure and a moment later, Heidi was doing the same. I could barely stand at that point, so I carefully pulled out of Heidi, turned off the water and sunk to the floor. Heidi got down with me. We were both breathing hard.

“Wow,” she said after a minute, “That was probably the most amazing sex I’ve ever had. You truly are a fantastic lover.”

I found myself blushing at her words. “You really think so?” I asked, “You were awesome as well. I mean, I haven’t had a lot of sex, but you were definitely the best.”

Grinning, Heidi leaned over and kissed me. After we dried off and got dressed, we both headed back to my room where we made out for a while before falling asleep in bed together. My last thought before I passed out was how I definitely didn’t regret any of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Clyde, just you wait. Things are just getting started.
> 
> Sorry these chapters are taking so long to get out. My life is quite difficult at the moment and it’s hard to work up the motivation to write anything. But I promise I won’t stop working on this and my other stories.
> 
> Anyway, what do you think is going to happen next? What are your thoughts about Heidi? Let me know in the comments!


	14. Someone's in the Kitchen With Clyde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde contemplates his feelings for Heidi. Then basketball happens. Then a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heidi is not subtle, is she? Yeah, she’s probably up to something, but Clyde is too dense to realize it. I wouldn’t worry about that for a while, though.  
> I really don’t have much of a plan for this chapter. I think Red’s party will probably happen by the end of it, though. I don’t know.

When I woke up the next morning, I was pleased to see that Heidi was still asleep next to me. She had her arms around my waist and her face in my shoulder. I smiled to myself. It was rather nice to wake up with someone’s arms around me in a loving embrace. This was not something I was used to, but it was something I could get used to.

I looked over at the clock and saw that it was starting to get late into the morning. I didn’t want to risk getting caught by Eric, so I gently shook Heidi awake. She yawned as she woke and she sat up and stretched. When she saw me next to her, she smiled gently.

“Good morning, bed head,” she teased, “Last night was amazing. I don’t think I’ve had sex that good in a long time.”

I tried hard not to blush, but I think I failed. To distract myself, I reached over to my nightstand and pulled out my hairbrush. Unlike Craig, who’s hair is perfect, mine is not, so I actually have to brush it.

“Um, Heidi” I said after a moment, “About last night. Aren’t you a little nervous that we didn’t, you know, use any protection?”

She giggled a little. “If you’re worried about getting me pregnant, don’t worry,” she replied, “I use a birth control pill because Eric always likes to go raw. If you’re worried about something else, I’d be more than willing to use protection if it means I get to have more sex with you.” She winked at me as she said this and I blushed harder.

Before I could answer, she got up and gathered her clothes. “I’m going to go take a shower,” she announced, “It would probably be best if we don’t shower together as Eric will probably be home soon. But don’t worry. I’ll break up with him soon. Then we can be free to be with each other.”

I smiled dumbly at her as stepped out into the hallway. Ok, I was officially smitten. I know it was probably dangerous for me to open my heart to her like this since she was still with Eric, but she was going to be breaking up with him soon! And didn’t I deserve a chance to be happy?

Sighing with euphoria, I stood up and started gathering my clothes. I was going to be hanging with the guys later and I wanted to look somewhat presentable. Or at least like I hadn’t just rolled out of bed.

After I got dressed and made myself presentable, I headed out the door and towards where I was meeting my friends. We were hanging out at basketball courts today, as we were planning to get some actual exercise in. I know. Horrifying.

When I got there Token was the only one of my friends already there. A bunch of other kids from class were hanging out as well. I was slightly disgusted to see Jason shooting hoops on one of the courts, but he kept looking around as if keeping an eye out for someone. He better not leer at Craig the whole time we’re playing or I will hurt him.

“Hey man,” I greeted Token as I walked over to him, “So we’re the first ones here, huh?”

“Yup,” Token replied, “Craig texted me saying he and Tweek are on the way. They’ll be here in about thirty seconds, knowing Craig.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. That would be Craig. And Token’s prediction was spot on because not twenty seconds later Craig’s car came to a screeching halt across the street, nearly crashing into a streetlight. Have I mentioned yet that Craig’s not the best driver? I don’t know why Tweek keeps getting into a car with him. Or how Craig passed his driver’s test.

When they stepped out of the car, Craig was calm and collected as always, but Tweek was a jittering bundle of nerves. I didn’t blame him. I wondered how many traffic laws Craig broke getting here.

“You all right there, Tweek?” I asked as the shivering little blond approached.

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered in response.

“Good!” I replied, patting him on the back. “Gotta be on your toes for the game!” I smiled slightly as Craig came over.

“Hey,” he greeted nonchalantly, “Who’re we facing?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” I answered honestly, “Token didn’t say. Hopefully not Stan and those guys. I’m getting tired of them.”

“Well when you have to spend so much time with fatass it kind of comes with the territory,” Craig remarked with a shit-eating grin on his face. This was true, but I was not going to dignify his statement with a reply. Instead I turned to Token.

“Yo, Token!” I called, “Are we gonna play soon or what?”

“Yeah, as soon as Jason and his team gets their asses over here!” Token replied, raising his voice slightly to get Jason’s attention. I noticed that David, Kevin, and Bill were with him.

I scowled slightly at Jason. I just knew he was going to spend the entire game sneaking peeks at Craig. The pervert never was all that subtle with his creeping. As he and his team came over, Jason looked Craig up and down and I just knew he was undressing him in his mind.

While I was glaring at Jason, Kevin got a big grin on his face. “Hey locker neighbor!” he greeted me, waving like a dork. I tried not to sigh or roll my eyes.  
“Hey, Kevin,” I replied. He really was a nice kid, but did he really have to talk to me all the time?

We started playing and as I predicted, Jason kept his eyes on Craig almost the entire time. I tried my best to keep knocking him out of the way every time he would stop and stare at my friend. What was wrong with this guy?

After a while of playing where we were totally creaming them (despite Tweek mostly avoiding everyone the whole time) we took a break to get rehydrated. I sat beside Token, guzzling water like a camel or something. I heard him chuckle.

“Slow down, Clyde,” he said, “Save some for the fishes.”

I stopped and looked at him, letting water run down my neck and chest, to give him a look that said, “really?” His cheeks were red from playing so hard.

Craig came over with Tweek. Both of them were sweaty and slightly out of breath. “Did anyone else notice Jason creeping on me the whole time we were playing?” he wondered.

Oh good, he noticed that. I wasn’t the only one.

“Yeah, I noticed,” I replied, “That’s why I was shoving him out the way so much.”

“Gah! Why would he do that?” Tweek exclaimed, “Doesn’t he know that Craig has a boyfriend? Me?” He twitched a little with anger.

Craig put an arm around him and pressed him close. “Don’t worry, babe, it’s not like he has a shot with me,” he assured him.

“Hopefully we can avoid him at Red’s party,” I said. Craig got a weird look when I said that and his lip curled up.

“Oh yeah, we agreed to go to that,” he muttered.

“Come on, Craig, it won’t be that bad,” Token insisted, “You might even have fun.”

“Meh.”

We continued playing for a few more hours (totally dominating Jason’s team) before we decided to call it quits. It was starting to get late and my dad probably wanted me home.

…

The week went by and before I knew it, Friday was here. I was super pumped for this party, but who wouldn’t be? Red was known to throw some killer parties. After school I immediately went home to get dressed in my finest party attire.

Token picked us up and took us to Red’s house. The party was in full swing when we got there. Several of our classmates were out on the front lawn dancing and having a good time. We got out of the car and Craig immediately took Tweek by the hand.

“Don’t worry, babe,” he told his nervous boyfriend, “I’ve got you.”

Tweek gave him a small smile and then I led the way inside. And boy what a party it was inside! Butters and Kevin were in the middle of the living room, hogging the spotlight and practically grinding on each other. I would have not been surprised if they had been more than a little drunk.

Stan and Wendy were in one corner practically sucking each other’s faces off. But I think what surprised me the most was seeing Kyle near them dancing with Nichole. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kyle dance before in my life. In fact, I didn’t know Kyle went to parties.

I saw Heidi with some of her girl friends and was about to go over and greet her when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around and saw Craig and Tweek staring at me.

“So, what is there to do at parties when you don’t like drinking, dancing, smoking, or socializing?” Craig asked in his usual deadpan voice. I blinked at him. I guess I had never really considered that. Tweek and Craig didn’t like any of those things. I guess I should’ve thought about that before I forced them to come.

“There’s food,” I pointed out. Craig sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Tweek,” he said pulling on his lover’s arm, “Let’s just go stand over there and hope no on talks to us.” I sighed slightly as they walked off. I just wanted them to have a good time. Was that too much to ask?

With a sigh I turned and started back towards Heidi. She spotted me and quickly got up and walked over, meeting me in the middle. She gave me a quick kiss which almost caused me to melt right there.

“I want you to know I broke up with Eric,” she told me. My heart felt like doing summersaults. “I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. He threw a big fit when I did.”

I couldn’t stop the huge grin from spreading across my face. “So, we’re free to be together?” I asked hopefully. Heidi gave me a sexy smile.

“Of course,” she replied. As fireworks went off in my heart, she reached over to a nearby table and grabbed a couple of beers. “How about we start the celebrations now?”

Taking one of the cans from her, I popped open the tab and clinked the can with her. “Yes, ma’am!” I agreed, gleefully taking a sip. Despite it sitting out for a while, the beer was still a little cold, which was nice. I grabbed Heidi’s hand.

“Come on!” I exclaimed, “Let’s dance!”

We joined Butters, Kevin, and the others out on the dance floor, and soon I wasn’t even thinking of my two stick-in-the-mud friends who were just leaning against a wall. I even managed to get Token to dance with us, despite Kyle and Nichole. I had a few more drinks, but luckily I now how to handle myself.

The night wore on with pretty much everyone having a great time. We did quite a few party games, like truth or dare and spin the bottle, and a couple of drinking games as well. I tried to get Craig and Tweek to play at least one game but they refused, just standing against their wall, talking to each other.

Despite them, it was a fantastic party. And because I know how to hold my liquor, I knew how to have a good time without blacking out.

Or at least, that’s what I always thought.

Until I woke up the next morning in Craig’s bed with absolutely no memory of how I got there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa! Cliffhanger! How the hell did that happen?! Did Craig and Clyde sleep together? Just what happened? Well you’re going to have to wait until the next chapter to find out! And I’m really sorry about how slow I’ve been with updates. My depression has got me down. But I’m going to work harder on bringing you steady updates, and luckily I actually know what I’m doing with the next chapter!


	15. Everybody PANIC! PANIC!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after Red's party!?

The first thing that started running through my head was panic. Craig was asleep next to me, I was in his bed, and I couldn’t remember how I got there! And Tweek was no where to be seen! Surely this meant something bad!

Did Craig and I hook up last night? But Craig didn’t get drunk, and he would have more sense than that, right? Cautiously and nervously, I lifted up the covers and looked down to see that we were both fully dressed in night clothes. Well, ok, that eased some of my worries but not all of them. What happened last night?

Swallowing my fears, I reached over and nudged Craig. He grunted. “Craig? Are you awake?” I asked. He grunted again. “Please, can you tell me what happened last night?”

There was a loud groan and Craig rolled over to face me. “Ugh, do I have to do that right now?” he moaned, “I was up until dawn taking care of your drunk ass, making sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit!”

“But I don’t get drunk,” I muttered. Craig opened one eye and gave me a look.

“Clyde, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you get drunk,” he told me, “Everyone gets drunk. You had like, five or ten drinks last night. Of course you got drunk!”

I felt so embarrassed and stupid. I thought I was the king of being able to control myself. But apparently I was just as stupid as everyone else. I was ashamed of myself.

Shaking my head in guilt, I looked at Craig again. “I can’t remember anything after the drinking games,” I admitted, “What happened?”

“Clyde, I am so tired. Can’t this wait?” Craig begged.

This couldn’t wait. I was so afraid I made him cheat on Tweek with me. I had to know what happened. “Please Craig?” I asked in my best pathetic voice. He let out a huge sigh.

“Fine!” he exclaimed, “You got drunk and started moaning about your existence. Then you spotted Tweek and me and went over to us, declared your love for me, kissed me, told me you were going to make love to me, and then you passed out, so I had to drag you to my house. Ok? That’s what happened. Good-night.” With that, he rolled over, turning his back to me.

I stared at him in utter surprise. Wait a minute. I declared my love for him?! And he had no reaction at all?! What the fuck?!

I nudged Craig again and he let out a loud groan. “What do you mean I declared my love for you?” I asked, “And why aren’t you more concerned about it?”

“Ugh! Because you’ve done this before!” he explained in an exasperated voice. I blinked in surprise at him.

“I-I have?” I wondered, “Really? When?”

Craig sighed heavily and rolled back over. “During the last party,” he answered, “You got drunk, wandered over to my house and did the exact same thing. Then I had to bring you back to your own house.”

“Wait a minute!” I exclaimed, “You’ve known I was in love with you since Jason’s party!?” That was almost like a month ago!

“Not so loud,” Craig moaned.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I shouted, “Why did you decide only now to tell me?”

“Stop yelling,” Craig whined, “I didn’t say anything last time because no one else was around. I figured you wanted to keep it a secret. But this time you said it in front of Tweek and a whole bunch of other people, so it’s not like no one knows. You really need to get your drinking under control. Now will you please let me get some sleep?”

He huffed at me and rolled back over. I still had so many questions, but I figured it would probably be best not to bother him anymore for now. Besides, now that I was awake, I realized what a hangover I had and what a massive headache I was getting. I carefully got out of bed and stumbled my way to the Tuckers’ bathroom and opened their medicine cabinet. I took a few pills for my headache and filled a glass of water before heading back to Craig’s room.

Craig was already fast asleep by the time I got back. He must’ve been really tired. I set my water on the night stand before climbing into the bed next to him. He was nice and warm which helped me to fall asleep really fast.

…

When I woke up again my headache had gotten a lot better. Craig was still asleep, but I was willing to bet that when he woke he would be more willing to answer my questions. I really wanted to know how Tweek reacted to everything. I didn’t want him to hate me! He still had to come to my birthday party!

I wondered how much time had passed and whether or not I should wake Craig. Before I could decide what to do, there was a loud vibrating sound, startling me. I looked over at the night stand and saw Craig’s phone vibrating with a call. He must have put it on silent so it wouldn’t disturb him.

Carefully reaching over my dozing friend, I picked up his phone and saw that it was Tweek that was calling. Oh jeez, now I had another problem. Do I wake up Craig or just answer it myself? But would Craig be mad that I answered his phone?

“Craig?” a voice called out faintly, “Hello? Are you there?”

In my panic, I had accidentally pressed the “answer” button. Flinching, I put the phone to my ear. “Uh, hey Tweek,” I said nervously.

“Clyde?” Tweek said in a confused voice, “Where’s Craig?”

“Um, he’s asleep right now,” I replied, looking over at his sleeping form, “He was up kind of late last night.”

“I know,” Tweek hissed, “I figured he would be with how drunk you were. I wanted to go with you guys but he insisted on taking you home alone.”

I flinched again. “We didn’t do anything,” I insisted, “He was just taking care of me. I guess he just wanted to make sure I was ok. That’s all.”

Tweek was silent for a very long time. I would’ve thought he had hung up if I couldn’t hear him breathing. Eventually, though, I had to break the silence. “Um, Tweek?”

“What?” he asked. He sounded just a bit annoyed.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” I wondered, “You don’t hate me for my confession, do you?” Again there was a long pause, but eventually Tweek sighed.

“No,” he said at last, “I don’t hate you, Clyde. We can’t control who we fall in love with. And you were really drunk last night.”

“Right. And it’s not like I planned on ever acting on my feelings for Craig,” I told him, “At the end of the day he’s my best friend first and foremost and I would never want to ruin his relationship with someone he loves so much just for my own selfish gains.”

Even though we were on the phone, I could almost see Tweek blushing at my words. I was about to say more, but at that moment, Craig started stirring beside me. Grumbling, he sat up, still looking a little drowsy. He looked at me with half-lidded eyes.

“Is that my phone?” he asked slowly.

“Yeah,” I replied, “It started ringing, but I didn’t want to wake you.”

“CRAIG!” Tweek screamed joyfully in my ear, “Gimme! Gimme!”

“Ow!” I muttered and handed the phone to Craig, “Here.”

Craig looked at the screen for a moment before putting the phone to his ear. “Hey babe,” he greeted, “What’s up? Nah, I just woke up. Yeah I’m wearing pants. I wear pants to bed, babe, you know that. No, I don’t have a boner. No, I don’t! Only for you dear. Ok, I’ll text you later. Love you. Bye.”

I stared at Craig, slightly confused. I opened my mouth, but he beat me to it. “Don’t ask,” he told me.

As Craig got up to get dressed, I felt a nervous embarrassment flare up inside me. I didn’t watch him get dressed, but the question still remained. Craig knew I was in love with him. Now what? Where did that leave us? Were we supposed to just carry on as normal?

“Um, Craig?”

“Yo.”

“Er, now that you know my feelings for you, and I know you know my feelings for you, where does this leave us?” I wondered. Craig paused in zipping up his jacket. “I mean, are we supposed to just continue to act like best friends as if that party didn’t happen? Can we even be best friends anymore?” And I didn’t even know how he felt about all of this!

Craig stood there, not saying anything for a long time. It was beginning to make me nervous. I started fidgeting on the bed, waiting for his response.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly, “I don’t know where we go from here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short, but I thought that was a cool line to end it on. Plus I didn’t want to drag this out and keep you in suspense about what happened after the party. But’s gonna happen next? Hoo boy!


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